I've got to put together a biographical statement for the web page at work. Here is what I have so far...

To call Mark a genius would be the grossest of understatements. How mere mortals manage to survive in his glory continues to beguile the scientific community. Mark began his scholarly exploits in the early 1980’s with his decisive biography of the late Dr. Samuel Gall, the inventor of the gall bladder. Not one to rest on his laurels, he is now completing the monumental task of translating, into Latin, the entire screenplay of The Empire Strikes Back. Advance reviews are quickly demonstrating that his translation will take its place in history as the standard in translations of that work.
Mark has numerous degrees in Medical Transcription, Accounting, TV/VCR Repair and High School Diploma. He is active in University campus life, currently acting as chapter president of fraternity Iota Eta Pi. He is graduating from the school of Astrophysiology and Materials Displacements (with an emphasis in car keys) this fall, summa cum fraude.


And a few apologies to Tom Lehrer for stealing some jokes.