October wrap-up.

Remember the month of general confusion? Yup, that was October for ya. From dating to halloween. Yup, giant mess. So to re-cap:


1. Halloween. To dress up or not to dress up?
Sure I said no, but some friends lined me up on a date for a Halloween party, so I dressed up as a classic 1980's style nerd (yeah, not a big stretch, I know). It was fun.

2. The Christmas Card.
Since the clowns at Wal-mart lost my film, I had to do a new photoshoot. Which I did last sunday. My good friend Jessie was nice enough to help me out. I'll post the card a bit closer to X-mas, but here is a shot that was rejected. Notice that I am smiling in it.


3. Dating.
I had the talk with the beautiful woman that I love, but she is still sure that it was not meant to be. So back to square one.

I also had a fiasco with some tickets to the Utah Jazz that my brother gave me. Since I only got the tickets the day before, all the girls I asked to go already had plans. Then a friend of mine got a date for me (which made me angry, but I got over it) but I wasn't able to get a hold of her in time, so I gave the tickets to my folks. Who gave them back to me and my kid sister. So we saw the game, but not before I got turned down a bunch of times by a lot of girls. So note to self: Ask with plenty of time to spare.

4. My writing.
I've heard that back on that paper I had submitted to the Journal for the Study of the Old Testament. They still hadn't heard back from their reviewer yet, so it is back to waiting as usual.

5. My DVD.
I started the DVD. It is tricky to figure out the software but I started it.

6. General auto repair.
I fixed the passenger side mirror on my car and replaced the center console. So, yeah. I got that done.

7. My website.
I was able to review my content and secure a domain name. So, that's progress as well.

November should be just as productive and hopefully less confusing.

Oral Fixation

So I'm back from a 5 and a half hour turn at the dentist. Trust me, it's as every bit as fun as it sounds. About a 3.0 on the Schmidt pain index. It felt like this:



On the plus side, I've got a bit of hydrocodone helping me on the ride. And I get to stay home from work today. Maybe a big price to pay for a day off, but I'm making the most of it. I'll be back tomorrow with the month-end report. Now excuse me, the room is spinning and I need to get back to the couch and the curse of the Sudoku.

The Schmidt Sting Pain Index




There is often a very fine line between performing a valuable service to your fellow human beings and just having too much time on your hands. Combine this with a good sense of humor and a bit of masochism, and you have The Schmidt Sting Pain Index. Thanks to Mr. Schmit, we know that a sting from a pepsis wasp is a full 4.0 on the scale; "Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath (if you get stung by one you might as well lie down and scream)." Check it out here.

This makes me think twice about screwing around with Africanized bees.

It is the duty of every dutiful blogger to post a link to an online personality test. So here ya go.

Click here, yo!

I'm an Idealist. 100% We are a rare breed that makes the world a better place. I mean, who would pessimists have to complain about if it wasn't for us?


On a different note, I'm starting album reviews on my music blog. The first official review is of the new "Weird Al" album. Read it here. I think the album reviews are going to be a regular feature over there, mostly as something to do to keep up the writing skills. I'll post notice of new reviews here.

Cyborg Name

So a pal of mine on the LDSLinkUp (or 'slink-up' as they like to call it. har-de-har-har) sends me this link on how to determine your Cyborg name. And to make the dork factor complete, you can get your Cyborg name printed on a fancy t-shirt.





Nothing says "I'm special!" like a shirt with your name on it. Now I got to run, the short-bus is leaving soon and I don't want to miss it.



Post script:
What kind of cyborg names are these anyway? They don't include the number 3000 anywhere in the name.

Ah, crap. So WalMart has lost my negatives. A whole Saturday down the tubes. It was a pain in the hinder to do once, now I gotta think whether I want to be doing this again. I really, really liked the idea that we shot, but now...

I need more time to think about this one. Maybe a different idea could work just as well. Besides, the last two cards turned out adequately, but only because the original photo shoots I had for them didn't look good at all, so what you ended up with was the Plan B.


On a different note, I spent yesterday fasting for Ramadan. The Muslim Student Association was sponsoring the fast and for every non-Muslim that signed up, they had a sponsor that donated cans of food to the Utah Food Bank. I'm always up for helping out there. And I was able to make a few Muslim friends. Nice guys.

Mid-Month Update

So I go to pick up my pics for this year's Christmas Card and they are not done. 2 days late. Next year I am going digital. It is just becoming such a pain in the rumpus to get film developed. Especially for some rinky-dink card.

And an auto repair update. Last week I was successful in replacing the passenger side mirror on my car. It is the perfect way to remember all those old cuss-words one used to say. The hardest part was dismantling the door and putting it back on. And who could forget that little plastic fastener that I had to pry off and it ended up hitting me in the face. Ah, good times. But it looks like new now, so that makes it worth it, I suppose. The duct tape was kind of trashy.

Ever wonder what the Rebel Alliance would have done if they had to rely on Microsoft products? It might have looked a bit like this:


Click here

It's another look into alternate universe candy:

Hey, it's October. This means a month of general confusion. You can sense it in the air.

Among the confusing items this month:

1. Halloween. To dress up or not to dress up?
Most likely not. Dressing up on Halloween is fine for little kids, married folks, dating folks or couples in general, but for a 34 year old dude to get costumed up? Creepy. And what would I be doing once I was all dressed up? Trick-or-treat? Don't count on it. Crash somebody's Halloween party? Not likely. Does this make me the an old bah-humbug? You bet. And this brings me to item number...

2. The Christmas Card. I am all lined up to have this year's card photo taken this Saturday. At scenic BYU. I'm not telling anymore because I don't want to spoil the surprise, but I do think that this will be a classic. One that truly says 'desperate cry for help'. And I'm going big this year, with a planned distribution of about 50 or 60. If you want in on the mailing list, drop me a line.

3. Dating. After a fun but rather platonic evening/night with someone I am very drawn to, I am thinking about moving on. Not that I am looking for a lot of 'action', but when I move in, she moves away. Granted, I don't ever talk relationships with her, but her body language is speaking loudly. Or it could be I am just a doofus who wouldn't know his way out of a paper bag with both ends open.

4. My writing. I've had a research paper submitted to the Journal for the Study of the Old Testament for almost a year. They told me the approval/rejection time is about 6 months. And it will be 12 by the end of the month. So I'm thinking about bagging it and submitting it somewhere less prestigious, but local.
I've also got another deadline of January next year to have a draft of my novel finished and submitted. So this probably means a lot of long evenings at the compy. Belch.

5. My DVD. To fill a gap in the Star Wars fan-made DVD market, I'm putting together a comprehensive disc of trailers and TV spots for all 6 films. I officially started on the first with a test burn to familiarize myself with the hardware. So far so good. I hope to have it done by the end of the month. At least version 1.0.

6. General auto repair.

7. My website. I keep talking about putting back up my site about my favorite band but I never get around to doing it. Maybe this month. Of course, I'd need to buy the server space, get my domain name re-assigned, re-load the content. Ahh...

Well, we'll see if all goes well.

Tribute to Utah

If you haven't seen this by now it is worth a look. It reminds me of driving through the backroads of Utah with my friend Garrett a few summers ago. We didn't go to half as many places as featured in this song.

Incredible Machine

Now all of us kids at heart like crazy contraptions. So you gotta check out this link. I watched all 13 minutes and sat dumbfounded through the whole thing, How'd they do that?

Click here

In Memoriam: Steve Irwin

Steve Irwin, better known as the Crocodile Hunter, was killed while filming a documentary on sting-rays last Monday. Normally, I was not a huge fan of the Crocodile Hunter, but Steve's death has touched me to a degree I wasn't expecting. I usually just thought of the oft-spoofed Irwin with bemusement; a likable guy who seemed at times to have more enthusiasm than common sense.

Now view him as a hero, and for a variety of reasons. First, he had a clear purpose in life. He was a promoter of conservation and animal protection like no other. The man not only became a beloved cultural icon in his own right, but always insisted on dragging something scaly or slimy in the spotlight with him. His influence on children for good cannot be overestimated.

Secondly, he found a way to make a living doing something he loved. Since only a small portion of people on the planet are able to pull that one off, I put Irwin in the hero category.

Like the loss of some of my earlier heroes (like Jim Henson and Charles Schultz), I found myself shedding a tear or two for the loss of a good friend. And not a crocodile tear, either.

On the Road Again

At last, old Marcus is mobile again, and not the Alabama kind. After a very long summer without wheels, I'm finally rolling again. The Altima is a pretty smooth ride despire its age. The best part about having a car again is the freedom goes up, the same with the confidence. Now I feel like I can actually get some things done.


Note that the car pictured here is not actual size.

Who's Line Was That, Anyway?



Well, it happened again. I had that dream I was performing on ABC's cancelled show "Whose Line Is It, Anyway?" Maybe I just like being the center of attention. Or maybe I'm bored with my occasional stand-up comedy career. Nah. It is just the gift of making people laugh that always makes me up to any challenge. And maybe it is because I usually watch a rerun of "Whose line" right before bed.

Game One: Let's Make A Date
During the Dating Game-style uh...game, I had to pretend to be a guy who was really thirsty. I think I did pretty good.

Game Two: Song Styles
I had to sit this one out. Wayne Brady sang songs that he made up on the spot. They were about arson. I think.

Game Three: Props
I had to do improv skits with a giant nickel. I crushed Colin Mocherie with the coin-toss. A full investigation is pending.

Game Four: A Ho-down
I also sat this one out. I got one thousand, one hundred and thirty-eight points.

Commercial break: Skittles
Skittles are yummy.

Game Five: Multiple Impressions
This must have been a game I made up. I had to do an impression of Popeye doing an impression of Richard Nixon. Then one of Sylvester Stalone doing a Pee-Wee Herman impression. And lastly an impression of Clint Eastwood doing an impression of Abe Lincoln from Disney's Hall of Presidents. I got a billion points for this one.

Game Six: Make-out with Kathy Greenwood.
I made out with Kathy Greenwood for the rest of the show. You don't get to hear about the rest.

Ed McMahan, George Costanza and Chewbacca?

That's right, these guys are in the top 5 of Entertainment Weekly's Top 50 sidekicks. What am I doing reading Entertainment Weekly? Don't ask. However, the list was an interesting read because it offered a glimpse into what makes a good friend. Maybe it is something we all could use.

Check it out here

Just thought I drop a note welcoming my new nephew Cody Finsand to the planet. Congratulations to KJ and Katie!

It is time for a dip into the randomizer:

Simpleton street-cred Goober socks Hamilton bisquick Isotoner radial tires halo deranged Ask.com yetti studio jellybean Utapau steel timer sasquatch uboat chinese kite pantyhose Freida funky Jesuit talented camera scoop trinket armidillo Depp quiche madison anger sit-ups plants blistex valley radish Alta dagger scuttle timber sack lunch spray fiber wax college spicy zombie albert mask aged sauna.

That ought to do it.

Little Jerry and the Monotones


So I just discovered I can put up links for video here on my blog. How cool is that?
Maybe not very cool. Anyway, this means that when I have nothing to say, I can share a cool video instead. Today, it is one of my favorite vintage Sesame Street songs, the "Telephone Rock" by Little Jerry and the Monotones. Pay close attention to the bad puns at the end of the song.


Just hit the play button or click on the actual video to view it on the YouTube.com page.

I've got to put together a biographical statement for the web page at work. Here is what I have so far...

To call Mark a genius would be the grossest of understatements. How mere mortals manage to survive in his glory continues to beguile the scientific community. Mark began his scholarly exploits in the early 1980’s with his decisive biography of the late Dr. Samuel Gall, the inventor of the gall bladder. Not one to rest on his laurels, he is now completing the monumental task of translating, into Latin, the entire screenplay of The Empire Strikes Back. Advance reviews are quickly demonstrating that his translation will take its place in history as the standard in translations of that work.
Mark has numerous degrees in Medical Transcription, Accounting, TV/VCR Repair and High School Diploma. He is active in University campus life, currently acting as chapter president of fraternity Iota Eta Pi. He is graduating from the school of Astrophysiology and Materials Displacements (with an emphasis in car keys) this fall, summa cum fraude.


And a few apologies to Tom Lehrer for stealing some jokes.