I'm not Catholic, but I'm loaded with vices all the same. Just like every other human.

So, after good ol' fat Tuesday, I'm giving up some things for the next 40 days. I'll be giving (or at least trying) to give up some of my bitterness and anger. Not that there is a lot, but I've had some things that have been eating at me lately. It is time to let them go. I am tired of letting any anger I feel get in the way of what I want to get done. Besides, I am starting to wonder if I have been isolating any one who needs my help of friendship. So long Captain Me-Planet! Hello Mr. somebody who isn't a total bozo.

Great Moments in TV's Family Guy

"Da Boom"
Original Air Date: 12/26/99
The episode ends with Victoria Principal telling Patrick Duffy that she just had a dream in which she saw a crazy episode of Family Guy.

2/01
This idiotic, puerile show is cancelled.

Present
Whining fans, who wouldn't know a joke if it bit them in the hinder (how would they recognize it, since the show doesn't provide any), create such a stink Fox and Cartoon Network brought it back.

The problem with this show (as well as most TV nowadays) is that the audience just settles for less. So they get it. In the case of the Family Guy, all you get is re-tooled jokes from The Simpsons, some shock-value jokes and random references to things many of the TV shows the thirty-somethings grew up with. The problem with this is (and I paraphrase Scott Renshaw) that these are references. The only laughs seem to come from association to other, more interesting things - and references are no substitute for wit.

Everything I've Got In My Pocket

Ah, the foibles of the human condition. We get 75 or so years on this planet to prepare for the next million+, and what do we usually spend most of our time doing? Trying not to look like some doufus. I'm not even sure how to spell doufus. It really makes me wonder if we spent more time thinking about how to bless the lives of others than worry about ourselves. Occasionally I remember how to do this. But most of the time, well you get it. Two examples:

1. I went out to pick up some binders and other things I needed. Store number one didn't have everything I needed, so I picked up what they had. And a candy bar. All the stuff goes in the car, the candy in my coat pocket. I'm half way through store two's check out when I realize I am carrying a candy bar in my pocket that I don't have a receipt for. So now I am doing all but actually shoplifting, trying not to look suspicious. All the stress without actually committing the crime.

2. I don't know how many hours I have thought about riding the light rail and never having to show my pass. For some reason, they haven't checked. Why? Who cares. Maybe next week, I'll strike up a conversation with somebody instead of just staring off into space. A lot of good that does. I'm gonna have a tough time brightening the lives of those around me if I keep it all to myself.

I am a Loud Speaker!


Well, I've finally done it. After years of being left behind, I thought I'd finally earn all those merit badges that I didn't get when I was an Eagle Scout. So this month, It was Public Speaking. Now, as a 'grown-up' with a big mouth, this was an easy one. Next month, maybe Sailing.

Happy Valentine's Day, kids.

Cow Tools

Back in the 80's, cartoonist Gary Larson penned one of his Far Side comics that promptly put the nation into hysterics. Not that it was hilarious. Because it wasn't. The cartoon, titled "Cow Tools" depicted a bovine overlooking his handiwork at some primitive tools. The problem was the tools didn't really look like tools, and the reader was left in the position that if the purpose of the tools weren't understood, the comics meaning would be lost to the reader. And the reader naturally didn't have a chance.

Forward to 2005. Last December, a Sunday version of the comic BC came out and suddenly it is Cow Tools all over again. Well, except that nobody cares about BC, while the Far Side was about the funniest strip anywhere.

The problem? I live in a paradigm where things need to make sense. If something isn't making sense, I need to stew on it until it does.

So, if anyone could explain this monstrosity, I'd appreciate it.

I've been wrongfully accused!

To jump on the Hollywood cash-cow (or as McDonald’s calls it “Celebrating”), I thought I’d come up with a quick quiz. So...in celebration of the new Harrison Ford vehicle (no pun intended) Firewall, try to figure out which line of dialogue goes with which classic Harrison Ford movie. Remember, it works best if yelled in a gruff mumble.

1. I didn’t kill my wife!
2. Get off of my plane!
3. I'm sorry, Mr. President, I don't dance.
4. Get off of my submarine, comrade!
5. I didn’t kill my wife, yet.
6. I'm crazy about it. They call me Bojangles at the office.
7. Besides, you know what a careful guy I am.
8. Get off of my star ship.

Good Luck!

Mondays just blow chunks sometimes.

Anyway, I've been thinking about my February resolutions, and I have decided to keep them to a mimimum. That way, I can feel like I am getting more accomplished. So...

1. Be in bed by midnight. It's tough to get any sleep if I am up till 3 AM working on some dumb project. It's a start.

2. Don't sweat it that Valentine's Day is fast approaching and I have rather little going on in that dept. Society can just go and sit on it.

3. Have some kind of date by the end of the month. As unenthused as I am about dating, I at least ought to start putting a little effort into it.

That's it. I've got lots of other activities happening, but you don't need to hear about thems quite yet.