And I will hang my head low...
Today would have been the first anniversary of my marriage had it lasted that long. I was thinking for a long time about what I wanted to report about it all. I have come to the conclusion that it really isn't anyone's damn business. If you want the straight story, talk to me in person. I am not going to put it online for the world to see.
It hasn't been easy these last few months, but I am getting better. I understand what I have done wrong, what I could have done better and what things I had no power over. I am sad things ended up they way they did, but I don't regret the decisions we made. We had to stop hurting each other.
I have been berating myself all morning. I listened to The Decemberists "The Crane Wife" and Sheryl Crow's "Perfect Lie" to put into words some of the things I feel I have done wrong. And now I am done.
Homer Simpson once advised Marge, saying, "Marge, you can't blame yourself forever. Blame yourself once and get on with things". So I acknowledge that I have done some if not many things wrong, but I am done blaming myself. I am getting on with things.
Monday, October 13, 2008
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4 comments:
Hi Mark! (I'm someone from old school Linkup in case you're wondering who the heck this is.)
I just wanted to say that you're right. You definitely don't owe the public an explanation.
But also, I just wanted to add (as someone in my second marriage) that marriage is like combining two different chemicals. Sometimes there are bad reactions... but not always! Just because you two didn't work doesn't mean you won't mix well with someone else. So I just want you to know that neither one of you are "damaged goods" (ugh, I hate that term)... that the future holds even more love. In fact, there's an abundance of it. It's true!
I appreciate that Laurie. I won't be looking for quite a while, but I have faith that there is someone who is a good match for everyone. I might be 70 by then, but that's still OK.
Now I need to figure out if I want to do a Christmas card this year....
HELL, I WANNA KNOW! Actually, I'm JUST kidding. I actually broke of my engagement early last month. It, too was the right thing to do. I hear ya on the hurting each other, you don't mean to, it sort of just happens... and becomes a power struggle.
I'm also a firm believer that sometimes the Divorce is the success and the marriage the mistake. Know what I mean. AS with anything in life, recognizing a mistake and correcting the mistake is a success.
And there is ABUNDANCE waiting for you.
Enjoy yourself. And I mean sometimes you are the best company you have so enjoy you and how cool and amazing you are. The rest will fall into place :)
Wait, what? I never caught up on your old posts--they've been sitting in my RSS reader for months now, but I've just been reading your most recent ones--and I thought you were off not blogging because you were happily married. I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out. That sucks. I should have kept in touch more.
If you're ever looking to get out and hang with a few nerdy friends, feel free to drop me an email/FB msg/whatever--I'm only down in Provo nowadays.
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