Bible Stories
There are 34 books of the bible in this story. Can you find them? This is a most remarkable puzzle.
It was found by a gentleman who was singing songs like “Hey Jude” on a flight from his Suez ranch to Honolulu, keeping him occupied for hours. He enjoyed it so much, that he passed it on to some friends. One friend from Illinois worked on this while fishing on his john boat. Another friend studied while playing his banjo. Elaine Taylor, a columnist friend, who was intrigued by it she mentioned it in her weekly newspaper column. Another friend judges the job of solving puzzles found this puzzle so involving, she brews a cup of tea to help her nerves. There will be some names that are really easy to spot. That’s a fact. Some people however will find themselves in a jam, especially since the book names are not easily capitalized. Truthfully, from answers we get, we are forced to admit it usually takes a minister or a scholar to see some of them at the worst. Research has shown that something in our genes is responsible for the difficulty we have in seeing the books in this paragraph. During a recent fund raising event, which featured this puzzle, the Alpha Delta Phi lemonade booth set a new record. The local paper, The Chronicle, surveyed over 200 patrons who reported that this puzzle was one of the most difficult they had ever seen. As Formica hardwood laminate salesman Daniel Humana humbly puts it, “The books are right there in plain view hidden from sight.” Those able to find all of them will hear great lamentations from those who have to be shown. One revelation that may help is that books like Timothy and Samuel may occur without their numbers. Also, keep in mind, that punctuation and spaces in the middle are normal. A chipper attitude would help you compete really well against those who claim to know the answers. Remember, there is no need for a mad exodus; there really are 34 books of the Bible lurking somewhere in this story waiting to be found.

I found this on my pal Karen's blog. Of course, I modified it to include a bit more than the original 30. Would you expect any less from me? If you need a hint, go here.

Word of the Day: Bloated



Why, cheese fries, why? We used to be so close, but now...
Why all the hate?

In one of those yin-yang things, my brother and sister-in-law (Matt and Stephanie respectively) just had their second child. A feisty little boy named Miles. To make the situation fun, Miles wanted out early (a month early more precisely) while his dad is out at Air Force training until September. So things might be fun for those guys for a while. I'll help out where I can.

So congratulations to Matt, Stephanie, Zoe and Miles. I love all those kids.

So my pal Adywan is putting together a new "Special Edition" of the Star Wars Trilogy. He is doing a ton of work to fix the things that George and ILM either botched or didn't fix in the first place. Check it out!

Hey, guess who's back in school? Well, yeah. That's right. It's me. But I'm pretty jazzed about it all the same. Speaking of the Jazz, I'm getting pretty pumped to see 'em play San Antonio in a few weeks. Um... Sorry. This isn't a real post. I'll do better soon.

-Mark

Boomshine

I've been playing a fun little game on my lunch breaks called Boomshine. You have to plan a small explosion in the middle of a pastel bubble minefield and plan it so it starts a chain reaction to pop more. Its pretty cool.


Play Games at AddictingGames

Scary Mary

How long has it been since I posted a video on here? A week? Well, that's WAY too long. Check out this trailer for an old supernatural thriller!

Survive the joke and get a free lunch!

Well, let's try something different. I had this stoopid joke about Egyptian stuffs, so I thought instead of just telling it, I'd offer a free lunch to the first person who can read it. Just tell me the name of my girlfriend in the joke.

I'm done with all my FHE activities. Time for Heroes. Man, I love that show.

As I was looking at graphics for my earlier Hypocrite post, I was surprised how popular the eclipse motif is lately. Check it out!

















And while we are on the subject, check out this cool pic of a solar eclipse:

Thought of the day:
Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought. -Basho, 17th century Japanese poet

Old Money.

We all know that there are two kinds of millionaires, those of 'old money' and those who are 'new money'. And then there is me. I have old money. I was getting fuel at the gas station and as part of my change, I get this thing:










For some reason, this 1935 dollar bill had worked its way back into circulation and was waiting for me at the local Circle K. Then it got me wondering about all the stuff it would have seen. Was it used to by gasoline for some body's old Oldsmobile back in the 30's? Was it stashed away during a shortage of WWII? Did somebody find it in the attic in the 80's? Maybe it was a bookmark? It could have been any number of a thousand places.

I wonder if people are like this goofy, ragged bill? They may not look like much or look like they are worth much, but once you know their stories and histories, they become priceless.

Or maybe they are sometimes named Bill.





*Is it legal to scan old bills? If so, I'll take it down.

Okay, stop me if you've heard this one...

So this outspoken Atheist is hiking through the forest, admiring all the beauty that Mother Nature had evolved all around him. As he was hiking, he happened between a mother grizzly bear and her cubs. The protective mother instantly stood and roared at the hiker. Not wanting to shuffle off this mortal coil to wherever atheists go, the man took off running down the trail with the bear in hot pursuit. Realizing that he wasn't likely to evolve into something that ran faster, the atheist decided to hedge his bets and began to pray. Soon the bear had him knocked to the ground and had reared up on his hind legs, ready to deliver the lethal strike.
Suddenly, everything was frozen in place and the man found himself in God's presence. The atheist quickly asked God for deliverance from his problem.
"Well, this is certainly a convenient time for you to be a believer", was God's reply.
"I guess you are right," the atheist thought, "And I'm not really sure I believe in you any way."
God responded, "Since we are talking, are you sure that there isn't anything I can do for you? The bear is still there..."
The man thought about it for a minute and realized what he believed to be a rather clever solution.
"Perhaps then you could make the bear a Christian? I've known a lot of Christians and they have always talked about mercy and all that other religious junk."
God scratched his chin through his beard.
"All of my creations believe in me, but sure, I'll make the bear a devout Christian."
The brightness of God's presence began to fade and the man found himself again at the feet of the bear. The bear looked down at the man and helped him to his feet. The man breathed a sigh of relief. The bear looked lovingly at the man and pulled him in for a warm embrace. Holding the man, the bear spoke in a tender voice.
"Dear Lord, please bless this meal which my family is about to eat..."

Bus Stop Runner

Well, since life has been kicking me in the hinder lately (everything from arguing with friends to girl trouble to having my clutch burn out on my car over the weekend to missing my bus twice this morning) I thought I'd seek a little comfort in musical mash-ups. So I found this sweet one called "Bus Stop Runner" by the talented Mark Vidler, aka Go Home Productions. djbrewski mixed the vid. GHP blended the tracks. Check it out.

EDIT: It seems they add new videos frequently, so you might have to scroll around to find what you are looking for. While you are doing that, check out Paperback Believer, Sweet Times of Mine, Feel All Apologies, Boulevard of Broken Songs and Crazy Logic. Man, I could watch those all day.

Goodness Will Follow

Is this the price of failing?
Trading the sailing heart
for the taste of saline.

You say I can do better
One with virtue from the start
That someday I'll get her.

But I don't want to be good,
I just want you.
Goodness will follow.




.

Sometimes I feel like a huge hypocrite. And that mostly comes out of me getting all preachy. Because invariably, I end up being guilty of the sins I'm preaching against. This is why I prefer to shut up about such moral items, but sometimes I can't help myself.

I used to carry a small sign in my scripture case that read "hypocrite". Back in the day when I taught a lot of lessons in the Sunday School, I'd be talking up the importance of keeping the Sabbath holy or always giving thanks for your meals, I'd pull out the sign and wear it around my neck before continuing. Granted, it was mostly a joke, but it also felt good to realize I was a mortal and as human as everyone else. After a while, others would borrow the sign if they were making comments on things they were struggling to improve themselves.

This brings us to this year. One of my favorite moral vices to rail against has been TV addiction. And I suddenly get hooked on the show 'Heroes'. I've also taken a stand against video games as addictive and time consuming, and here I am totally addicted to 'Guitar Hero'.

So I'm wondering what the lesson that needs to be learned here. The easy lesson is to keep my mouth shut; but I don't believe that is the right answer. Moderation, I think, is the right one. My big reason for video game avoidance is I've known folks who spend all their time in the basement playing Halo 2 or World of Warcraft. It becomes a false god to them. I've even seen a few couples break up over it because the guy got stupid and didn't realize what he had until she left. Since I can't figure out the whole girlfriend thing yet, this might not be a problem. Still it is about priorities.

TV is a little different. While there is certainly the addiction possibilities, I think the biggest reason I avoid it is the exposure to all the murder, violence and sex. There are some things I just don't want to put in my head. They stay there for a long time when I ought to be thinking of better things. Besides, like most of us, I've already got more than I need on my memory. If I want to dig up some trash, I know I already have plenty archived. Who needs to feeding the garbage bin when you don't have to even be around it in the first place? So maybe I'll stick with the current season of Heroes and see how it goes.

Achy Breaky Muscles

So I'm recovering from a nite of country swing dancing. And I think I did pretty good for a dumpy white guy. Now that I think about it, that describes all the guys there.

Scary thing is, I realized how much I feel like George McFly* when I'm mixing it up. Mostly that was because of just awkward dancing style. But then I realized it was I am just content to dance in the corner instead of subjecting the ladies to my horrible swing moves.



You're George McFly!

Take the Which Person from Back to the Future Are You? Quiz
Also try my other quizzes.

But like George, I'm getting better. I actually was able to practice some moves with a beautiful young lady. Which was appropriate I suppose, because she had asked me to go in the first place.


*Wow, that review of me is a bit harsh. Loser? Not always. And maybe I'll get to do the rest of those things too.

I've been spending all month trying to figure out why 'Onion domes' as they are called are the exact same shape as outside calipers. Masonic ingenuity, perhaps?

Bad Puns

Are there are any bad puns? Likely. But I never mind them. And I never nevermind them. So here are some of my favorites:


An igloo is an icicle built for two.

Tequila is the gulp of Mexico.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

The archeologist's career was in ruins.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, UCLA.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

Mental floss will prevent truth decay as part of your moral hygiene.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

Bad customer service will take the wind out of your sales.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

We removed the insulating asbestos we could.

Atheism is none of the above.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Holy cow or divine bovine?

A backward poet writes inverse.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

An alarm clock is designed to scare the daylights into you.

A plea bargain is using a proposition to end a sentence with.

Alimony is the high cost of leaving.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

If there is one thing you can count on, it's your fingers.

On the other hand, you have more fingers.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

Punch, hit, kick, gouge. Where I come from, those are fighting words.

The chicken that crossed the road was poultry on motion.

The chicken that only got half way there laid it on the line.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

One day the sultan paid a visit to his harem's tent and let out a terrified sheik.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

Do you remember the name of the famous hunchback? Does Quasimodo ring a bell?

"Saint Anthony of Padua's Sermon to the Fishes"
by Michael Nibley

When Anthony preaches
He goes to the beaches
Converting the fish, who can't make it to church.
They swarm up to listen
A-drip and a-glisten,
The trout and the minnow, the pike and the perch.

"Treat all as your brother;
Don't murder each other,
For all of God's creatures are children alike."
What a marvelous spirit!
The minnows all cheer it;
They whisper and glare at the murderous pike.

"The root of all evil,
Great tool of the devil,
Is love of possessions; you'd best do without."
What a marvelous spirit!
The pike love to hear it;
They cast a stern eye on the miserly trout.

"Work hard! Those who idle
Will bear harsh requital;
Who shirks at his labor gets left in the lurch."
What a marvelous spirit!
The trout just revere it;
They nudge one another and mutter, "Those perch!"

"Eschew fornications
And lawless relations,
For sex unrestrained leads to sorrow and tears."
What a mervelous spirit!
The perch love to hear it;
They glance at the minnows with snickers and sneers.

The saint ends his preaching;
The fish love such teaching!
They watch as his figure recedes from the shore.
Then greed, lust and slaughter
Resume in the water,
And all is exactly the same as before.

So it turns out that in Japan, roosters are always crowing "ko-ke-kok-ko-o".
Feel like talking turkey with a turkey in Turkey? Say "glu glu"!
And who could forget the gentle "croa croa" of the frogs in France.

Now, I've never heard a dog bark anything that sounds like "bow-wow". But thanks to this animal sound guide, you don't have to settle for the stale old otomotopia's you are used to.
Click here!

Self-deprecation

In my seemingly futile attempt at self improvement, I've come to realize that I've got to stop putting my self down, even if I think it is under the guise of a good joke.

My old self used to write stuff like this:

Bullets for Breakfast

Sugar coated goodness
with a bitter aftertaste.
Big, heaping, self-depreciating
spoonfuls are shoveled down
to fill an empty soul.
An important part of
my unbalanced psyche,
these tasty jabs
give me the energy I need
to sludge through yet
another mediocre day.


Can I just say I am sick of being that guy? So the new goal is to find the fine line where I know I'm awesome but I don't always have to tell everybody about it. Wish me luck!

"Television has brought murder into the home. Where it belongs."
-Alfred Hitchcock

I've been mulling over a blog entry on TV and hypocrisy, and with today's 9 Chickweed Lane, it seems like the perfect place to start.



I'm in the middle of making a graphic for this, so I'll post the rest later...

This week has been rough. I had a tough dentist visit a few days ago, I've been struggling with a few other personal things I'm not going to bore you with, and then today happened. I finally heard back on that paper I had sent off for publication. Rejected. I wouldn't have minded if I was rejected a few months after it was submitted, but now it has been almost 15. That's way too long to wait for a 'no'. This was really bothering me earlier, but some friends made me feel better about me (thanks ya'll) so I'm thinking I'll make lemonade out of the situation. This is the perfect opportunity to polish up the paper and submit it locally.

Steel Horse Wind Rider

Most of ya'll know that me and pals such as Abe, Ryan, Taylor, Nate and Jeff used to host Big Shows for our friends where we would make short films, perform skits, stand up comedy or play some songs with the bands we were in. So to revisit some of those glory days, I thought I'd post some of our greatest "hits" on the YouTube. Enjoy!

Mark's Detective Story

Some time ago, I typed up a noir detective story (you might call it a defective story after reading it) to work out a few jokes and puns I was working on or had stolen from other folks. I'm thinking about making it into a short film for youtube or something. Anyway, here is the latest revision. Sorry about the bad jokes. Let me know what you think.

What is the Randomizer?

Not unlike the matrix, it just endless flow of random data that spills out of my noggin. So let me turn on the spout for a minute to release the pressure...

Spuds wastebasket chocolate hangnail flyswatter Timothy bicycle fence signature push open waffle neck space-heater tripod margin uncle pointed glob stitches ornamental tweezers residue tomohawk furry cracked Alberta flat crease razor nano Endust rhapsody primary elvish syrup Manhattan tired weapon circular aphid frostbite wingman socks feelers orzo dodge bulbous solid aged mistle-toe.

That ought to do it.

It is the privilege of this blog to mark the 23rd anniversary of one of the most defining moments in my life. Dave Letterman's encounter with the wall of Velcro. Enjoy!


NB: It is strangly interesting to see the public reaction to that new-fangled Velcro in 1984.

This Space for Lent

Well, sports-fans, it's Lent again. Last year, I gave up a chunk of bitterness and it has stuck for the most part. Granted, I might have developed a bit of hope where there was none, but that's a different story.

Anyhoo...

So this lent, I'm giving up the caffine. All of it. The Mountain Dew for breakfast, the Dr. Pepper for lunch, the other Dew for dinner. The chocolate, the tylenol, the whole shooting match. At least I think the chocolate. Mostly, it is 40 days without the soda. Usually, I'm on Mountain Dew, but for the next 40 days (and possibly longer) it's













So far so good, although I felt like I was under water for most of the day. Ick. I'm gonna get another glass of OJ and hit the sack.

Remember, its good to give stuff up for a while.

So this week is Random Acts of Kindness week. Now they tell me. Its not that I'm not generally helpful anyways.. but it is good to have an excuse to encourage others.
Click here for the 411.

On a semi-related note, I'm starting to think about what I want to give up this year for lent. It starts on Ash Wednesday. If you have any suggestions, let me know.

That Darn Cat

So Toonces was replaced by Sophie. Just when I thought I'd be able to breathe easier at my parents house. Rotten dander!* If she ever comes out of hiding, maybe I could get a picture to post.













*I believe Rotten Dander was the name of the last punk band I was in.

Every once in a while, I sponsor contests for my pals for fun. This time around, I challenged them to make a Star Wars movie trailer. My pal Jambe made this winning entry. I'll post the others in my Star Wars blog this week,

Contronym Quiz

Yesterday in Church, the word 'garnish' was used quite frequently in talks and lessons. It was from the new Young Men and Young Women's theme of "Let Virtue Garnish Your Thoughts Unceasingly". Kind of wordy, but an important concept all the same. In an attempt to make the theme a bit more interesting, I tried to convey to the kids that the word 'garnish' was cool because it is a contronym. Contronyms (also called autoantonyms) are words that have two definitions that are the opposite of each other. Garnish means both to enhance (e.g., food) or to curtail (e.g., wages). My friend Garrett pointed me to the word 'hardly' which means both to do something with great effort or to do something with little effort.

So class, your assignment is to take the list of words below and figure out the two meanings. You can go to Rinkworks.com if you need a little help.


apology
bolt
custom
dust
enjoin
fast
give out
handicap
left
off
put out
quite
rent
screen
transparent
variety
weather


For a bit of history on the contronym, see this Wiki article.

This was interesting...

Your Preppy Name Is...

Weston Atherton Cabot the Sixth But most people know you as Tip

What's Your Preppy Name?

I've been mulling over possible New Year's Resolutions for the past week or so and I don't think I'm in the mood to follow through with any. I have a few items in mind that I will do, but they are kind of personal, so I'm sure you will forgive me if I don't post 'em here. The big problem I am having with the resolutions is that I was looking over last years resolutions and I don't think I hardly made a dent in anything I was going to do. I think I lost maybe 10 lbs. I worked on everything else, but nada. Granted some items were out of my hands (like get published or get engaged, because this requires the free-will of others), but generally I got close but not close enough. I don't know if I'm in the mood to give everybody false expectations of what I want and then not follow through. If I'm gonna be a loser, why advertise it? You will have to figure that out on your own.

In Memoriam: Toonces the Cat

Toonces, whom many of you have known and adored (or at least put up with) was euthanised yesterday due to a serious medical condition. Now, I'm not what you would call a 'pet person', but he was a part of the family for the better part of eight years, so he grew on ya. Besides, my sis really loved him, I guess it spilled over to the rest of us. God speed, old friend.

RESOLUTIONS REVISITED - coming soon.

(Sorry it is taking so long. I've had the flu for the past few days and it really has me off line for all intents and purposes. All I can muster is to sit around in a stupor. 1/8/07)

Meanwhile...

It's Nerfman!

Another entry in my Alternative Universe Candy selection.



Note that I didn't make this one, but I wish I did.