Monday, March 27, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Who figured on Action Figures?
I was looking in the Toys R Us for a cool birthday gift for my niece. There, I noticed more than a few action figures of old Rock Stars. Ozzy Oxbourne, Metallica, Kiss, all of these masters of metal have received the plastic treatment. Meaning that there are action figures made of them. Clear? They even had Beatles figures.
But it got me thinking, why limit it to just the gods of rock or the Fab Four? Doesn't David "Diamond Dave" Lee Roth deserve his own figure? What little straight-edge kid wouldn't love a Moby figure to go kick the butt of an Eminem figure? Think of how much fun Loretta Lynn and Kenny Rogers could have in Barbie's Malibu Corvette? Doesn't Lucinda Williams and Beck need to hang out in the backyard? I definitely think this needs to be done. Imagine little Timmy Jacobsen climbing down stairs early Christmas morning and finding St. Nick had just left him west coast rap innovators Blackalicious in his stocking. Who wouldn't love that?
Maybe I just answered my own question.
Still, I think it would be cool to have someone come into my office and ask about the figures on my desk and I could say, "Oh, it's Tommy James and the Shondells". But maybe that's just me.
I was looking in the Toys R Us for a cool birthday gift for my niece. There, I noticed more than a few action figures of old Rock Stars. Ozzy Oxbourne, Metallica, Kiss, all of these masters of metal have received the plastic treatment. Meaning that there are action figures made of them. Clear? They even had Beatles figures.
But it got me thinking, why limit it to just the gods of rock or the Fab Four? Doesn't David "Diamond Dave" Lee Roth deserve his own figure? What little straight-edge kid wouldn't love a Moby figure to go kick the butt of an Eminem figure? Think of how much fun Loretta Lynn and Kenny Rogers could have in Barbie's Malibu Corvette? Doesn't Lucinda Williams and Beck need to hang out in the backyard? I definitely think this needs to be done. Imagine little Timmy Jacobsen climbing down stairs early Christmas morning and finding St. Nick had just left him west coast rap innovators Blackalicious in his stocking. Who wouldn't love that?
Maybe I just answered my own question.
Still, I think it would be cool to have someone come into my office and ask about the figures on my desk and I could say, "Oh, it's Tommy James and the Shondells". But maybe that's just me.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Animusic
Once in a while, ol' Sluggo (that's me, the six year old part of my personality) finds something so cool that captures my imagination so completely that I just get shut down and smile. And I say "Woah" a lot. Such was the case when I saw a clip of Animusic a break on PBS. It was a purely CG music video of a very funky multi-stringed instrument with built in robotic 'hands' so this machine could play itself. It is the most imaginative and likely cool thing I have seen this year. Check out this clip here.
Once in a while, ol' Sluggo (that's me, the six year old part of my personality) finds something so cool that captures my imagination so completely that I just get shut down and smile. And I say "Woah" a lot. Such was the case when I saw a clip of Animusic a break on PBS. It was a purely CG music video of a very funky multi-stringed instrument with built in robotic 'hands' so this machine could play itself. It is the most imaginative and likely cool thing I have seen this year. Check out this clip here.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Thursday, March 16, 2006
The Scented Candle
All right, kiddies. Its story time. Get cozy.
Once upon a time (back in January) I was hanging out in the folks house when my mother comes home with some scented candles that she'd picked up at the BBB.
So I made a mental note to myself to check into that, because I like scented candles. Turns out that they smell nice.
So a few days later, I walk into one of the rooms where everyone is hanging out and I see one of them on the table. White. Vanilla. In a small glass container. So I wade through the crowd to the table. And with everybody watching, I grab the candle and put it up to my nose to have a nice sniff.
Only it wasn't a candle. It was my sisters glass of milk. Which went up my nose and all down my shirt. With everybody watching. I laughed so hard I think I shot milk out of my nose. This worked out nicely, because I didn't want the milk there in the first place.
The moral of the story? Maybe it is "Look before you sniff". Or perhaps it is "Now is a good time to check for lactose intolerance". Mostly, I's say it is "Learn to laugh at yourself, or you might be missing the biggest joke around". So many of us think that we, ourselves, are hilarious. Why not enjoy it when you inadvertently prove everyone right?
All right, kiddies. Its story time. Get cozy.
Once upon a time (back in January) I was hanging out in the folks house when my mother comes home with some scented candles that she'd picked up at the BBB.
So I made a mental note to myself to check into that, because I like scented candles. Turns out that they smell nice.
So a few days later, I walk into one of the rooms where everyone is hanging out and I see one of them on the table. White. Vanilla. In a small glass container. So I wade through the crowd to the table. And with everybody watching, I grab the candle and put it up to my nose to have a nice sniff.
Only it wasn't a candle. It was my sisters glass of milk. Which went up my nose and all down my shirt. With everybody watching. I laughed so hard I think I shot milk out of my nose. This worked out nicely, because I didn't want the milk there in the first place.
The moral of the story? Maybe it is "Look before you sniff". Or perhaps it is "Now is a good time to check for lactose intolerance". Mostly, I's say it is "Learn to laugh at yourself, or you might be missing the biggest joke around". So many of us think that we, ourselves, are hilarious. Why not enjoy it when you inadvertently prove everyone right?
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
The Quote List: Part One
I've had a request to post some of the more absurd, silly or downright outrageous quotes that I have collected over the years. Like this blog, I try to capture a balance of inspirational, amusing and randomness with these small snippets. Also note that many of the quotes here are from my friends and family. So if you happened to say something stupid or inspiring, maybe you might see it here.
...
Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they are going to catch you in next.
- F. P. Jones
Hey, the word 'fruit' on this box of Kellogg’s Froot Loops one too many 'O's in it.
-Mark Johnson (early 1989)
I have hundreds of iguanas.
-Holly Johnson (9/30/00)
Don't you think it would be cool to see some of your organs before you die.
-Aimee Ohlsen (8/29/00)
Television has brought murder back into the home, where it belongs.
-Alfred Hitchcock
There is nothing wrong with being a genius. Some of the world’s smartest people were geniuses.
-Loralee Jessen (11/8/05)
Are there two Elvises?
-Katie Johnson 8/3/94
Can skunks be de-stink-atized?
-Katie Johnson (8/11/99)
It would be hard to say which is the more miraculous, to make a stone to speak, or to make a philosopher stop speaking.
-Sozomen
I’m excited about my public spleaking class.
-Katie Johnson (2001)
No little girl can be happy unless she has faith in her daddy.
–Marge Simpson
Every man is a moon and each has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
–Samuel Clemens
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.
–Charles A. Beard
Man must understand his universe in order to understand his destiny…Who knows what mysteries will be solved in our lifetime, and what new riddles will become the challenge of future generations?
-Neil A. Armstrong
To go places and to do things that never have been done before, - that’s what living is all about.
–Michael Collins
Don’t get stuck in the stagnant swamp of self-pity.
–Neal A. Maxwell
Happiness is not getting something, rather happiness is being something.
–Marvin J. Asthon
Christmas: It's kind of like a holiday.
-Mark Johnson (12/25/99)
I've had a request to post some of the more absurd, silly or downright outrageous quotes that I have collected over the years. Like this blog, I try to capture a balance of inspirational, amusing and randomness with these small snippets. Also note that many of the quotes here are from my friends and family. So if you happened to say something stupid or inspiring, maybe you might see it here.
...
Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they are going to catch you in next.
- F. P. Jones
Hey, the word 'fruit' on this box of Kellogg’s Froot Loops one too many 'O's in it.
-Mark Johnson (early 1989)
I have hundreds of iguanas.
-Holly Johnson (9/30/00)
Don't you think it would be cool to see some of your organs before you die.
-Aimee Ohlsen (8/29/00)
Television has brought murder back into the home, where it belongs.
-Alfred Hitchcock
There is nothing wrong with being a genius. Some of the world’s smartest people were geniuses.
-Loralee Jessen (11/8/05)
Are there two Elvises?
-Katie Johnson 8/3/94
Can skunks be de-stink-atized?
-Katie Johnson (8/11/99)
It would be hard to say which is the more miraculous, to make a stone to speak, or to make a philosopher stop speaking.
-Sozomen
I’m excited about my public spleaking class.
-Katie Johnson (2001)
No little girl can be happy unless she has faith in her daddy.
–Marge Simpson
Every man is a moon and each has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
–Samuel Clemens
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.
–Charles A. Beard
Man must understand his universe in order to understand his destiny…Who knows what mysteries will be solved in our lifetime, and what new riddles will become the challenge of future generations?
-Neil A. Armstrong
To go places and to do things that never have been done before, - that’s what living is all about.
–Michael Collins
Don’t get stuck in the stagnant swamp of self-pity.
–Neal A. Maxwell
Happiness is not getting something, rather happiness is being something.
–Marvin J. Asthon
Christmas: It's kind of like a holiday.
-Mark Johnson (12/25/99)
The Curse of the Sudoku
Back in the days when I was cynical Mark, my main philosophy was that "Life is merely the exchange of one bad habit for another". I'm not as inclined to believe it lately, but a new addiction has surfaced. Late last year, I stumbled across Japanese Sudoku number puzzles. And I'm hooked. The object is to place the numbers 1 through 9 in each row, horizontally and vertically as well as in each box. Each row or box may only have one of the same number. I usually get my fix from here.
Back in the days when I was cynical Mark, my main philosophy was that "Life is merely the exchange of one bad habit for another". I'm not as inclined to believe it lately, but a new addiction has surfaced. Late last year, I stumbled across Japanese Sudoku number puzzles. And I'm hooked. The object is to place the numbers 1 through 9 in each row, horizontally and vertically as well as in each box. Each row or box may only have one of the same number. I usually get my fix from here.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
I'm not Catholic, but I'm loaded with vices all the same. Just like every other human.So, after good ol' fat Tuesday, I'm giving up some things for the next 40 days. I'll be giving (or at least trying) to give up some of my bitterness and anger. Not that there is a lot, but I've had some things that have been eating at me lately. It is time to let them go. I am tired of letting any anger I feel get in the way of what I want to get done. Besides, I am starting to wonder if I have been isolating any one who needs my help of friendship. So long Captain Me-Planet! Hello Mr. somebody who isn't a total bozo.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Great Moments in TV's Family Guy
"Da Boom"
Original Air Date: 12/26/99
The episode ends with Victoria Principal telling Patrick Duffy that she just had a dream in which she saw a crazy episode of Family Guy.
2/01
This idiotic, puerile show is cancelled.
Present
Whining fans, who wouldn't know a joke if it bit them in the hinder (how would they recognize it, since the show doesn't provide any), create such a stink Fox and Cartoon Network brought it back.
The problem with this show (as well as most TV nowadays) is that the audience just settles for less. So they get it. In the case of the Family Guy, all you get is re-tooled jokes from The Simpsons, some shock-value jokes and random references to things many of the TV shows the thirty-somethings grew up with. The problem with this is (and I paraphrase Scott Renshaw) that these are references. The only laughs seem to come from association to other, more interesting things - and references are no substitute for wit.
"Da Boom"
Original Air Date: 12/26/99
The episode ends with Victoria Principal telling Patrick Duffy that she just had a dream in which she saw a crazy episode of Family Guy.
2/01
This idiotic, puerile show is cancelled.
Present
Whining fans, who wouldn't know a joke if it bit them in the hinder (how would they recognize it, since the show doesn't provide any), create such a stink Fox and Cartoon Network brought it back.
The problem with this show (as well as most TV nowadays) is that the audience just settles for less. So they get it. In the case of the Family Guy, all you get is re-tooled jokes from The Simpsons, some shock-value jokes and random references to things many of the TV shows the thirty-somethings grew up with. The problem with this is (and I paraphrase Scott Renshaw) that these are references. The only laughs seem to come from association to other, more interesting things - and references are no substitute for wit.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Everything I've Got In My Pocket
Ah, the foibles of the human condition. We get 75 or so years on this planet to prepare for the next million+, and what do we usually spend most of our time doing? Trying not to look like some doufus. I'm not even sure how to spell doufus. It really makes me wonder if we spent more time thinking about how to bless the lives of others than worry about ourselves. Occasionally I remember how to do this. But most of the time, well you get it. Two examples:
1. I went out to pick up some binders and other things I needed. Store number one didn't have everything I needed, so I picked up what they had. And a candy bar. All the stuff goes in the car, the candy in my coat pocket. I'm half way through store two's check out when I realize I am carrying a candy bar in my pocket that I don't have a receipt for. So now I am doing all but actually shoplifting, trying not to look suspicious. All the stress without actually committing the crime.
2. I don't know how many hours I have thought about riding the light rail and never having to show my pass. For some reason, they haven't checked. Why? Who cares. Maybe next week, I'll strike up a conversation with somebody instead of just staring off into space. A lot of good that does. I'm gonna have a tough time brightening the lives of those around me if I keep it all to myself.
Ah, the foibles of the human condition. We get 75 or so years on this planet to prepare for the next million+, and what do we usually spend most of our time doing? Trying not to look like some doufus. I'm not even sure how to spell doufus. It really makes me wonder if we spent more time thinking about how to bless the lives of others than worry about ourselves. Occasionally I remember how to do this. But most of the time, well you get it. Two examples:
1. I went out to pick up some binders and other things I needed. Store number one didn't have everything I needed, so I picked up what they had. And a candy bar. All the stuff goes in the car, the candy in my coat pocket. I'm half way through store two's check out when I realize I am carrying a candy bar in my pocket that I don't have a receipt for. So now I am doing all but actually shoplifting, trying not to look suspicious. All the stress without actually committing the crime.
2. I don't know how many hours I have thought about riding the light rail and never having to show my pass. For some reason, they haven't checked. Why? Who cares. Maybe next week, I'll strike up a conversation with somebody instead of just staring off into space. A lot of good that does. I'm gonna have a tough time brightening the lives of those around me if I keep it all to myself.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
I am a Loud Speaker!
Well, I've finally done it. After years of being left behind, I thought I'd finally earn all those merit badges that I didn't get when I was an Eagle Scout. So this month, It was Public Speaking. Now, as a 'grown-up' with a big mouth, this was an easy one. Next month, maybe Sailing.
Well, I've finally done it. After years of being left behind, I thought I'd finally earn all those merit badges that I didn't get when I was an Eagle Scout. So this month, It was Public Speaking. Now, as a 'grown-up' with a big mouth, this was an easy one. Next month, maybe Sailing.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Cow Tools
Back in the 80's, cartoonist Gary Larson penned one of his Far Side comics that promptly put the nation into hysterics. Not that it was hilarious. Because it wasn't. The cartoon, titled "Cow Tools" depicted a bovine overlooking his handiwork at some primitive tools. The problem was the tools didn't really look like tools, and the reader was left in the position that if the purpose of the tools weren't understood, the comics meaning would be lost to the reader. And the reader naturally didn't have a chance.
Forward to 2005. Last December, a Sunday version of the comic BC came out and suddenly it is Cow Tools all over again. Well, except that nobody cares about BC, while the Far Side was about the funniest strip anywhere.
The problem? I live in a paradigm where things need to make sense. If something isn't making sense, I need to stew on it until it does.
So, if anyone could explain this monstrosity, I'd appreciate it.
Back in the 80's, cartoonist Gary Larson penned one of his Far Side comics that promptly put the nation into hysterics. Not that it was hilarious. Because it wasn't. The cartoon, titled "Cow Tools" depicted a bovine overlooking his handiwork at some primitive tools. The problem was the tools didn't really look like tools, and the reader was left in the position that if the purpose of the tools weren't understood, the comics meaning would be lost to the reader. And the reader naturally didn't have a chance.
Forward to 2005. Last December, a Sunday version of the comic BC came out and suddenly it is Cow Tools all over again. Well, except that nobody cares about BC, while the Far Side was about the funniest strip anywhere.
The problem? I live in a paradigm where things need to make sense. If something isn't making sense, I need to stew on it until it does.
So, if anyone could explain this monstrosity, I'd appreciate it.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
I've been wrongfully accused!
To jump on the Hollywood cash-cow (or as McDonald’s calls it “Celebrating”), I thought I’d come up with a quick quiz. So...in celebration of the new Harrison Ford vehicle (no pun intended) Firewall, try to figure out which line of dialogue goes with which classic Harrison Ford movie. Remember, it works best if yelled in a gruff mumble.
1. I didn’t kill my wife!
2. Get off of my plane!
3. I'm sorry, Mr. President, I don't dance.
4. Get off of my submarine, comrade!
5. I didn’t kill my wife, yet.
6. I'm crazy about it. They call me Bojangles at the office.
7. Besides, you know what a careful guy I am.
8. Get off of my star ship.
Good Luck!
To jump on the Hollywood cash-cow (or as McDonald’s calls it “Celebrating”), I thought I’d come up with a quick quiz. So...in celebration of the new Harrison Ford vehicle (no pun intended) Firewall, try to figure out which line of dialogue goes with which classic Harrison Ford movie. Remember, it works best if yelled in a gruff mumble.
1. I didn’t kill my wife!
2. Get off of my plane!
3. I'm sorry, Mr. President, I don't dance.
4. Get off of my submarine, comrade!
5. I didn’t kill my wife, yet.
6. I'm crazy about it. They call me Bojangles at the office.
7. Besides, you know what a careful guy I am.
8. Get off of my star ship.
Good Luck!
Monday, February 06, 2006
Mondays just blow chunks sometimes.
Anyway, I've been thinking about my February resolutions, and I have decided to keep them to a mimimum. That way, I can feel like I am getting more accomplished. So...
1. Be in bed by midnight. It's tough to get any sleep if I am up till 3 AM working on some dumb project. It's a start.
2. Don't sweat it that Valentine's Day is fast approaching and I have rather little going on in that dept. Society can just go and sit on it.
3. Have some kind of date by the end of the month. As unenthused as I am about dating, I at least ought to start putting a little effort into it.
That's it. I've got lots of other activities happening, but you don't need to hear about thems quite yet.
Anyway, I've been thinking about my February resolutions, and I have decided to keep them to a mimimum. That way, I can feel like I am getting more accomplished. So...
1. Be in bed by midnight. It's tough to get any sleep if I am up till 3 AM working on some dumb project. It's a start.
2. Don't sweat it that Valentine's Day is fast approaching and I have rather little going on in that dept. Society can just go and sit on it.
3. Have some kind of date by the end of the month. As unenthused as I am about dating, I at least ought to start putting a little effort into it.
That's it. I've got lots of other activities happening, but you don't need to hear about thems quite yet.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
A Singularity Problem
The trouble with being a new thirtysomething single guy is that the media now confuses my in ways that I didn’t anticipate. I was watching some other sitcom the other night and was dumbfounded beyond belief. Halfway through the episode, I thought “Wow, the teenage daughter is really hot. But then, so is the mom”. Then the center of my rational universe didn’t hold anymore and I had to lie down for a while.
The trouble with being a new thirtysomething single guy is that the media now confuses my in ways that I didn’t anticipate. I was watching some other sitcom the other night and was dumbfounded beyond belief. Halfway through the episode, I thought “Wow, the teenage daughter is really hot. But then, so is the mom”. Then the center of my rational universe didn’t hold anymore and I had to lie down for a while.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Well, I'm proud to announce the farewell album of 4Ever. As a member of a hot boy-band, I've toured all over Box Elder county and been invited to TONS of ice cream socials by TONS of girls. But since the 5 of us are in our seventh years of our two year degrees at UVSC, we are retiring and turning the lady-wooing to other hotties. So, with out further adeiu, here are the tracks of our final album, 4Ever At the Pulpit.
1. Leaving Jericho
2. (Those were) The Best Two Years
3. Thomas of Aramathia
4. Shirk Along
5. PG is OK with me
6. The Mantle of McConkie
7. The Ox in the Mire and the Silver Spoon
8. You Say You Want to Be Alone But Not With Me
9. I’m a BYU Football Fan, Not a Player
10. Idaho Mormons
11. People Ate Meat in the Bible
12. It Ain’t Bountiful (Without You)
13. Say No to NCMO
14. The Books of the Pearl of Great Price Song
15. Apostolic Haircut
16. 1st Kings of Love; 2nd Chronicles of Heartache
17. For The Strength of You
18. Praise to the Manual
19. To Manti and Back (Temple Spires in your Eyes)
20. I’d Rather be in Love Than With You
21. *CD Bonus Track* Keeping Love At Arms Length (Kickin the Freak Outta da Multi-Stake Dance Remix)
Note that track 16 is great to dance to. Enjoy!
1. Leaving Jericho
2. (Those were) The Best Two Years
3. Thomas of Aramathia
4. Shirk Along
5. PG is OK with me
6. The Mantle of McConkie
7. The Ox in the Mire and the Silver Spoon
8. You Say You Want to Be Alone But Not With Me
9. I’m a BYU Football Fan, Not a Player
10. Idaho Mormons
11. People Ate Meat in the Bible
12. It Ain’t Bountiful (Without You)
13. Say No to NCMO
14. The Books of the Pearl of Great Price Song
15. Apostolic Haircut
16. 1st Kings of Love; 2nd Chronicles of Heartache
17. For The Strength of You
18. Praise to the Manual
19. To Manti and Back (Temple Spires in your Eyes)
20. I’d Rather be in Love Than With You
21. *CD Bonus Track* Keeping Love At Arms Length (Kickin the Freak Outta da Multi-Stake Dance Remix)
Note that track 16 is great to dance to. Enjoy!
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Friday, January 20, 2006
Rock Swings!Fellow Gen-X’ers, I have seen the future. I was driving with a few folks I work with to a company party, and we were rocking out. Both the folks I was driving with were in their mid-fifties and had been raised on what we would call Oldies. Those cool classic songs of the 50’s and 60’s. So we were listening to these Oldies, yet they weren’t the original oldies, they were re-makes by the original artists. I guess it was cheaper to drag the Tokens and Freddie “Boom Boom” Cannon into the studio than to clear the rights to the original songs. As we were driving, they commented how much they were enjoying the re-makes. These new versions were a bit lighter than they used to be. Some of them even had a new bit of orchestration. There was a kind of nice, ‘schmaltzy’ feeling about them. That’s when it all came together for me. These nice folks I was driving with had entered into a new era of entertainment, that of the watered down music. This is no doubt the same phase that their parents entered into a generation ago with the Lawrence Welk television program. It is the same phenomenon.
So here is the future, in another 30 years as us Gen-X’ers are entering our 60’s and 70’s, we will be able turn on Carson Daily on the telly and his band of swinging crooners will entertain us with softer, kinder, gentler songs by the White Stripes, Greenday, Snoop Dog, and maybe some Nirvana. The sky is the limit.
If you want a glimpse into the future, check out either Pat Boone’s album In A Metal Mood and especially Paul Anka’s Rock Swing album. Both are great, with covers of alternative and metal classics done in a softer ‘easy to swallow’ style. Enjoy the future. I can’t wait to hear it.
Since the topic of musical covers has come up, I’ll remind myself here to devote a future blog to it.
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