New Quiz

Actually, it's just a glimpse to the many songs that have been stuck in my head this last week. Can you match the lyrics to the song?

I used to think as birds take wing, They sing through life so why can't we?

understand the New York Times' effect on man.

O no, what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle

say goodbye to Ross and his dependencies

like Olympus above the Serengeti

Never gonna let it up
Ticking like a time bomb
Blowing up the fuse box

A brave man once requested me to answer questions that are key is it to be or not to be and I replied 'oh why ask me?'

If I could only find a nickel I would pay myself off tonight
'Cause nobody knows when the good times have passed out cold

Ue o muite arukoo
Namida ga kobore nai yoo ni

You give away everything now that you've hid
You, you want to be only to never get lonely

It seems fitting to have my 100th blog entry feature this years Christmas card from the whole family.



If you didn't get one yet, drop me a line and I'll send it on the line with the family newsletter.

And as always, click here to view old cards from the vast corridors of time.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everybody!

Here's a funny bit about the music scenes original "one-hit-wonder". That's comedian Rob Paravonian behind the guitar.

Here's another Christmas picture. Me and Go-Bot, circa, 1985.
and it is worth noting that I still have the same haircut. True story.

This is my brain after a stupid weekend. Mostly good. but stupid.

Real posting tomorrow.

Favorites of Christmas past

A Christmas update: I'm actually looking forward to the holiday. Thanks to Mr. Kreugers Christmas (the awesome film starring James Stewart) and sitting in the dark looking at the christmas tree here at SluggoCentral while sipping some nog and listening to the obligatory Mannheim Steamroller album. Somehow I forgot that one of the best parts of Christmas is that it is just fun.

It is also a unique time to dip into the memory-thing and remember fun Christmas times from long ago. Here's a peek back to December 25th, 1979.



Note my brother Doug in the background with his Fisherprice Alpha Shuttle.

I just got back from delivering my Christmas cards. At least the first round of them. Expect yours soon.

Bah, Humbug!

This Christmas, I'm trying something different. I'm actually trying not to be such a Scrooge about the whole holiday business. I used to look at the holiday with a lot of cynicism and general disgust, usually fed up with the whole lot of commercialism and other heresies that went under the guise of "the holiday spirit". And of course, I had one of those ''holier-than-thou" attitudes to back it up. So I ended up no better off than those I was complaining about. Who wants that.

This time around, I'm hanging up the "Bah! Humbug" t-shirt, hanging a stocking by the fireplace (with care, mind you) and listening to a nice selection of Christmas music on my computer. If you have any tips to make this a bit easier, drop me a line.

Happy Birthday, Cakes. I hope things are better.

The mustache report:

As I expected, the 'stash' didn't survive longer than a week and a half. As you all know, one of the many traits I share with my main man Chuck Norris is that we are both dyed-in-the-wool blondies. Serious toe-heads. As such, the required facial hair we need for our tough guy appearance is difficult to maintain. I'm pretty sure my main man Chuck Norris enhances his beard and stash with a bit of Just For Men. I tried it, but I only looked like my face was dirty. So I shaved it off. I wonder how long it will take me to forget that I don't look good in a mustache and try again? Likely before 2010.

The November Review...

I've been busier than I thought this month. But I don't feel like I have much to show for it. I guess that because I have been been working at big projects in small steps. Among the highlights are:

purchased a domain name bought some video editing software had a bunch of blind dates helped a friend remove a dead mouse from her apartment got an early start on my Christmas shopping got ripped off on my purchase of envelopes for my Christmas card played a bunch of board games with friends was captian of the work bowling team that took 4th place out of 15 teams also went bowling on thanksgiving and didn't do terribly well didn't sleep enough watched E.T. started a screenplay for a short film i plan to post on youtube next year ate my weight in turkey leftovers read four books and three manuscripts and didn't get any writing done on my own projects laughed really hard at this comic strip:









Yeah. That's about it. At least all I can remember.

UPDATE.

Here's the mouse I had to dispose of. Poor little guy.

This week's On Notice List.



Yeah, it's like I'm not even trying anymore.
I've got actual original content coming this week. Really.

It's finally over.

I got to say a hate these big holiday weekends. I'm fond of all the holiday celebrations and activities just fine, it's just all the time off I had. All I did was stay up WAY too late and watch Star Trek movies until my eyeballs fell out. All that free time is not good for me. So, if I'm able to get up tomorrow, I'll be at work and back into that comfortable rut.

And I've started to grow a mustache. We'll see how long that lasts before it drives me crazy and I shave it off.

That's right! You are all on notice. I'm watching you.
Got someone you want to put on notice? Click here!

SPACE CASE


So Pluto is no longer a planet. Almost two months ago, the International Astronomical Union voted to define what constitutes a planet, booting Pluto in the process. At first I was a little incensed, as are many of my friends. After thinking about it, I think I have changed my mind. Not that I am necessarily in favor of the change, but it doesn't really bother me anymore.

My usual thought process invariably is steeped in relativity. And this case for or against Pluto is no exception. To hear most people talk, they would almost seem to imply the small orb as having actually changed because it is no longer a planet. Of course, Pluto sails on its merry way, oblivious to the "re-districting" that we are imagining down here. It seems interesting to me that all the hub-bub about the change seems to deal with very little with the actual planet itself.

Fueling the outcry against the change is a lot of strong emotion and sentimentality towards this little rock. Most of the outcry comes from Americans, and this is easy to understand as we will always root for the underdog. Of course, we have had nine planets for years and years (well, not that many years. Pluto was only discovered in 1930) and many prefer the status quo. Nine planets were the what they grew up with. Why toss out a part of their childhood? Emotions are an important part the human experience, but I have a tough time following the argument that is only grounded in emotion. Especially when it tries to work its way into the scientific discussion.

On the other hand, science is not the necessarily better alternative either. Remember that the debate is not actually about the planet, but rather about how we choose to define the planet. Astronomers are looking at size, shape, proximity and orbit when they are trying to build their definitions. While this seems fair and objective, remember too that these men and women are basing their criteria for the definition of what the planet is based on their best judgments. This means of course, that they are choosing the criteria based on what seems and feels right. There are no right and wrong answers about what makes a planet, astronomers are just choosing one criteria over another. Whether you want to accept their definitions are up to you, I suppose.

Personally, I don't mind the change. I look forward to the opportunity to tell my kids that I grew up in a solar system that had nine planets. Like I'm some kind of alien. Pluto can be king of the dwarf planets, the largest of other big rocks like Ceres, Sedna, Eris, Orcus, and Quaoar, to name a few. And who knows what changes will be made. Another big old rock could be found and the astronomers will have to rethink the whole mess again. Maybe that's the lesson we should pick up from this. Things are changing all the time. What is solid fact one day is out-dated knowledge the next. Remember that Moses lived in a solar system with six planets.

For more news on the brouhaha, click here.




Oh, a post-script:
Hey IAU, the next time you folks want to change the nature of the cosmos, maybe you could come up with a better name for Uranus. That's got to go.

Well, hello there. It looks like it is time for another dip into the randomizer.

Coffee squid recycle peasant malleable sanity vacuum toadstool cheetah hatter beans excitable alimony fried Sally timer gallop tape exit strategy ampersand zither tactile rhombus highway overflow palsy exacting pharmacy insomnia heat wallet pins readership nunnery spot grain moat divide tank petunia algorithm information fruition sample meek turnbuckle imposter

That ought to do it.

reactable



Remember the theremin? It is that cool musical "instrument" that was used in the soundtrack of old '50 horror movies. You would play it by placing your hand into an electro-magnetic field and the theremin would respond with a high-pitched whine. Move your hand and change the sound. The only problem is it only made one type of sound.

So jump ahead 50 years of so to, oh maybe today? and face up to the future. This is where the Reactable enters the picture. Like the theremin of ye olde tyme, the Reactable generates sound based on location of parts. Only the parts are digitally encoded blocks that are moved around on an illumenisent table. Turn and move the blocks to modify sound. Add additional blocks to modulate the sound or add beats. I have been into the home made 'chip' sounds lately, especially the Norwegian Binaerpilot. It is going to be fun to see what new artists are able to do with this new technology.

For more info on the reactable, as well as some cool pictures click here.

Or if you just want to keep up with regular theremin news, then by all means click here.

Or read up on my favorite musicians,Dr. Samuel Hoffman

NaNoWriMo

Well, this month is National Writing Month. It seems like the perfect time for me to buckle down and finish that first draft of my stinkin' novel. The only problem is that one of the projects I was working on just was rejected by a publisher. Sure, I've gotten plenty of these, but it has really deflated me. I'll get my wind back shortly, I expect and I'll hopefully be pounding the keyboard soon.

Anyway, for more more information on NaNoMriMo, Click here

October wrap-up.

Remember the month of general confusion? Yup, that was October for ya. From dating to halloween. Yup, giant mess. So to re-cap:


1. Halloween. To dress up or not to dress up?
Sure I said no, but some friends lined me up on a date for a Halloween party, so I dressed up as a classic 1980's style nerd (yeah, not a big stretch, I know). It was fun.

2. The Christmas Card.
Since the clowns at Wal-mart lost my film, I had to do a new photoshoot. Which I did last sunday. My good friend Jessie was nice enough to help me out. I'll post the card a bit closer to X-mas, but here is a shot that was rejected. Notice that I am smiling in it.


3. Dating.
I had the talk with the beautiful woman that I love, but she is still sure that it was not meant to be. So back to square one.

I also had a fiasco with some tickets to the Utah Jazz that my brother gave me. Since I only got the tickets the day before, all the girls I asked to go already had plans. Then a friend of mine got a date for me (which made me angry, but I got over it) but I wasn't able to get a hold of her in time, so I gave the tickets to my folks. Who gave them back to me and my kid sister. So we saw the game, but not before I got turned down a bunch of times by a lot of girls. So note to self: Ask with plenty of time to spare.

4. My writing.
I've heard that back on that paper I had submitted to the Journal for the Study of the Old Testament. They still hadn't heard back from their reviewer yet, so it is back to waiting as usual.

5. My DVD.
I started the DVD. It is tricky to figure out the software but I started it.

6. General auto repair.
I fixed the passenger side mirror on my car and replaced the center console. So, yeah. I got that done.

7. My website.
I was able to review my content and secure a domain name. So, that's progress as well.

November should be just as productive and hopefully less confusing.

Oral Fixation

So I'm back from a 5 and a half hour turn at the dentist. Trust me, it's as every bit as fun as it sounds. About a 3.0 on the Schmidt pain index. It felt like this:



On the plus side, I've got a bit of hydrocodone helping me on the ride. And I get to stay home from work today. Maybe a big price to pay for a day off, but I'm making the most of it. I'll be back tomorrow with the month-end report. Now excuse me, the room is spinning and I need to get back to the couch and the curse of the Sudoku.

The Schmidt Sting Pain Index




There is often a very fine line between performing a valuable service to your fellow human beings and just having too much time on your hands. Combine this with a good sense of humor and a bit of masochism, and you have The Schmidt Sting Pain Index. Thanks to Mr. Schmit, we know that a sting from a pepsis wasp is a full 4.0 on the scale; "Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath (if you get stung by one you might as well lie down and scream)." Check it out here.

This makes me think twice about screwing around with Africanized bees.

It is the duty of every dutiful blogger to post a link to an online personality test. So here ya go.

Click here, yo!

I'm an Idealist. 100% We are a rare breed that makes the world a better place. I mean, who would pessimists have to complain about if it wasn't for us?


On a different note, I'm starting album reviews on my music blog. The first official review is of the new "Weird Al" album. Read it here. I think the album reviews are going to be a regular feature over there, mostly as something to do to keep up the writing skills. I'll post notice of new reviews here.

Cyborg Name

So a pal of mine on the LDSLinkUp (or 'slink-up' as they like to call it. har-de-har-har) sends me this link on how to determine your Cyborg name. And to make the dork factor complete, you can get your Cyborg name printed on a fancy t-shirt.





Nothing says "I'm special!" like a shirt with your name on it. Now I got to run, the short-bus is leaving soon and I don't want to miss it.



Post script:
What kind of cyborg names are these anyway? They don't include the number 3000 anywhere in the name.

Ah, crap. So WalMart has lost my negatives. A whole Saturday down the tubes. It was a pain in the hinder to do once, now I gotta think whether I want to be doing this again. I really, really liked the idea that we shot, but now...

I need more time to think about this one. Maybe a different idea could work just as well. Besides, the last two cards turned out adequately, but only because the original photo shoots I had for them didn't look good at all, so what you ended up with was the Plan B.


On a different note, I spent yesterday fasting for Ramadan. The Muslim Student Association was sponsoring the fast and for every non-Muslim that signed up, they had a sponsor that donated cans of food to the Utah Food Bank. I'm always up for helping out there. And I was able to make a few Muslim friends. Nice guys.

Mid-Month Update

So I go to pick up my pics for this year's Christmas Card and they are not done. 2 days late. Next year I am going digital. It is just becoming such a pain in the rumpus to get film developed. Especially for some rinky-dink card.

And an auto repair update. Last week I was successful in replacing the passenger side mirror on my car. It is the perfect way to remember all those old cuss-words one used to say. The hardest part was dismantling the door and putting it back on. And who could forget that little plastic fastener that I had to pry off and it ended up hitting me in the face. Ah, good times. But it looks like new now, so that makes it worth it, I suppose. The duct tape was kind of trashy.

Ever wonder what the Rebel Alliance would have done if they had to rely on Microsoft products? It might have looked a bit like this:


Click here

It's another look into alternate universe candy:

Hey, it's October. This means a month of general confusion. You can sense it in the air.

Among the confusing items this month:

1. Halloween. To dress up or not to dress up?
Most likely not. Dressing up on Halloween is fine for little kids, married folks, dating folks or couples in general, but for a 34 year old dude to get costumed up? Creepy. And what would I be doing once I was all dressed up? Trick-or-treat? Don't count on it. Crash somebody's Halloween party? Not likely. Does this make me the an old bah-humbug? You bet. And this brings me to item number...

2. The Christmas Card. I am all lined up to have this year's card photo taken this Saturday. At scenic BYU. I'm not telling anymore because I don't want to spoil the surprise, but I do think that this will be a classic. One that truly says 'desperate cry for help'. And I'm going big this year, with a planned distribution of about 50 or 60. If you want in on the mailing list, drop me a line.

3. Dating. After a fun but rather platonic evening/night with someone I am very drawn to, I am thinking about moving on. Not that I am looking for a lot of 'action', but when I move in, she moves away. Granted, I don't ever talk relationships with her, but her body language is speaking loudly. Or it could be I am just a doofus who wouldn't know his way out of a paper bag with both ends open.

4. My writing. I've had a research paper submitted to the Journal for the Study of the Old Testament for almost a year. They told me the approval/rejection time is about 6 months. And it will be 12 by the end of the month. So I'm thinking about bagging it and submitting it somewhere less prestigious, but local.
I've also got another deadline of January next year to have a draft of my novel finished and submitted. So this probably means a lot of long evenings at the compy. Belch.

5. My DVD. To fill a gap in the Star Wars fan-made DVD market, I'm putting together a comprehensive disc of trailers and TV spots for all 6 films. I officially started on the first with a test burn to familiarize myself with the hardware. So far so good. I hope to have it done by the end of the month. At least version 1.0.

6. General auto repair.

7. My website. I keep talking about putting back up my site about my favorite band but I never get around to doing it. Maybe this month. Of course, I'd need to buy the server space, get my domain name re-assigned, re-load the content. Ahh...

Well, we'll see if all goes well.

Tribute to Utah

If you haven't seen this by now it is worth a look. It reminds me of driving through the backroads of Utah with my friend Garrett a few summers ago. We didn't go to half as many places as featured in this song.

Incredible Machine

Now all of us kids at heart like crazy contraptions. So you gotta check out this link. I watched all 13 minutes and sat dumbfounded through the whole thing, How'd they do that?

Click here

In Memoriam: Steve Irwin

Steve Irwin, better known as the Crocodile Hunter, was killed while filming a documentary on sting-rays last Monday. Normally, I was not a huge fan of the Crocodile Hunter, but Steve's death has touched me to a degree I wasn't expecting. I usually just thought of the oft-spoofed Irwin with bemusement; a likable guy who seemed at times to have more enthusiasm than common sense.

Now view him as a hero, and for a variety of reasons. First, he had a clear purpose in life. He was a promoter of conservation and animal protection like no other. The man not only became a beloved cultural icon in his own right, but always insisted on dragging something scaly or slimy in the spotlight with him. His influence on children for good cannot be overestimated.

Secondly, he found a way to make a living doing something he loved. Since only a small portion of people on the planet are able to pull that one off, I put Irwin in the hero category.

Like the loss of some of my earlier heroes (like Jim Henson and Charles Schultz), I found myself shedding a tear or two for the loss of a good friend. And not a crocodile tear, either.

On the Road Again

At last, old Marcus is mobile again, and not the Alabama kind. After a very long summer without wheels, I'm finally rolling again. The Altima is a pretty smooth ride despire its age. The best part about having a car again is the freedom goes up, the same with the confidence. Now I feel like I can actually get some things done.


Note that the car pictured here is not actual size.

Who's Line Was That, Anyway?



Well, it happened again. I had that dream I was performing on ABC's cancelled show "Whose Line Is It, Anyway?" Maybe I just like being the center of attention. Or maybe I'm bored with my occasional stand-up comedy career. Nah. It is just the gift of making people laugh that always makes me up to any challenge. And maybe it is because I usually watch a rerun of "Whose line" right before bed.

Game One: Let's Make A Date
During the Dating Game-style uh...game, I had to pretend to be a guy who was really thirsty. I think I did pretty good.

Game Two: Song Styles
I had to sit this one out. Wayne Brady sang songs that he made up on the spot. They were about arson. I think.

Game Three: Props
I had to do improv skits with a giant nickel. I crushed Colin Mocherie with the coin-toss. A full investigation is pending.

Game Four: A Ho-down
I also sat this one out. I got one thousand, one hundred and thirty-eight points.

Commercial break: Skittles
Skittles are yummy.

Game Five: Multiple Impressions
This must have been a game I made up. I had to do an impression of Popeye doing an impression of Richard Nixon. Then one of Sylvester Stalone doing a Pee-Wee Herman impression. And lastly an impression of Clint Eastwood doing an impression of Abe Lincoln from Disney's Hall of Presidents. I got a billion points for this one.

Game Six: Make-out with Kathy Greenwood.
I made out with Kathy Greenwood for the rest of the show. You don't get to hear about the rest.

Ed McMahan, George Costanza and Chewbacca?

That's right, these guys are in the top 5 of Entertainment Weekly's Top 50 sidekicks. What am I doing reading Entertainment Weekly? Don't ask. However, the list was an interesting read because it offered a glimpse into what makes a good friend. Maybe it is something we all could use.

Check it out here

Just thought I drop a note welcoming my new nephew Cody Finsand to the planet. Congratulations to KJ and Katie!

It is time for a dip into the randomizer:

Simpleton street-cred Goober socks Hamilton bisquick Isotoner radial tires halo deranged Ask.com yetti studio jellybean Utapau steel timer sasquatch uboat chinese kite pantyhose Freida funky Jesuit talented camera scoop trinket armidillo Depp quiche madison anger sit-ups plants blistex valley radish Alta dagger scuttle timber sack lunch spray fiber wax college spicy zombie albert mask aged sauna.

That ought to do it.

Little Jerry and the Monotones


So I just discovered I can put up links for video here on my blog. How cool is that?
Maybe not very cool. Anyway, this means that when I have nothing to say, I can share a cool video instead. Today, it is one of my favorite vintage Sesame Street songs, the "Telephone Rock" by Little Jerry and the Monotones. Pay close attention to the bad puns at the end of the song.


Just hit the play button or click on the actual video to view it on the YouTube.com page.

I've got to put together a biographical statement for the web page at work. Here is what I have so far...

To call Mark a genius would be the grossest of understatements. How mere mortals manage to survive in his glory continues to beguile the scientific community. Mark began his scholarly exploits in the early 1980’s with his decisive biography of the late Dr. Samuel Gall, the inventor of the gall bladder. Not one to rest on his laurels, he is now completing the monumental task of translating, into Latin, the entire screenplay of The Empire Strikes Back. Advance reviews are quickly demonstrating that his translation will take its place in history as the standard in translations of that work.
Mark has numerous degrees in Medical Transcription, Accounting, TV/VCR Repair and High School Diploma. He is active in University campus life, currently acting as chapter president of fraternity Iota Eta Pi. He is graduating from the school of Astrophysiology and Materials Displacements (with an emphasis in car keys) this fall, summa cum fraude.


And a few apologies to Tom Lehrer for stealing some jokes.

The Name Game

Web site Brunching Shuttlecocks is a vast collection of funny insights and general time-wasters. Among my favorites there (aside from the Mr. T Name Generator) are their occasional quizzes. You would have to determine whether a name is a:

Perfume scent or Marvel Comics Super Villain?
Christian Metal Band or Star Trek episode?
Elvis movie or Cocktail?
Beanie Baby or GI Joe?

In the grand tradition of Brunching Shuttlecock's famous quizzes, I've decided to put together one of my own. See if you can determine whether the name below is a delicious flavor of Gatorade or the delightful scent of Speed Stick deodorant.

Rain Berry
Icy Surge
Fresh Rush
Riptide Rush
Magno Electrico
Clean Blast
Cool Fusion
Cool Blue
Fierce Melon
Aqua Sport
Glacier Freeze
Ocean Surf

Good Luck! I've got the answers here if ya need to cheat!

I get an F-Minus at work.

So its 3:30. On a Monday. And I'm running on 3 1/2 hours of sleep. Needless to say, I'm done working for the day.

On the plus side, I'm member #334 of the F-Minus fan club, which is my favorite comic strip ever. That will totally pay off when they make F-Minus the movie and the initial fan club members will get free swag! F-Minus is like the old Far Side strips, only really funny. Maybe I'll e-mail Tony and see if he will let me post a strip for your enjoyment. This was a good one.

I found this one on the web site worth1000.com. It about sums it all up in a nutshell.

A Visionary Man

Ever since my best friend got herself Lasik surgery on her peepers, I've thinking about going under the laser myself. Then I had an interesting discussion with a bunch of my friends about glasses and appearances. We came to the conclusion that glasses aren't merely a device to aid a physical impairment, but they are also a fashion accessory. Curiously, other devices like hearing-aids and wheel chairs are not. Anyway, we realized that wearers of glasses are able to maintain an air of intelligence that might not be apparent without them. Not that I have as a main goal of having everyone thinking that I am really smart. I think it is the opposite. The glasses can act as a catalyst for conversation about intelligent "college-type" discussions. And at least my case, they give me a little confidence. And something to hide behind if I am a little shy that day. I think I just look better with them on. On the flip side of this, I've been wearing glasses for so long; I'm not used to me without them. I think I look a little weird.

So I ordered a set of frames last night (the old glasses are coming back, baby!) and maybe I'll think about the surgery in another year or so. In the mean time, I'll have a few sets of frames to wear. My usual ones and I'll break out the retro ones for special occasions.

So I sold my car. Not a big deal since I haven't really driven it in a year or so. But I'm really gonna miss that little bugger.

June is gonna be big. I'll be finishing part one of my novel, I'm finishing my first DVD, and I should have my web site back in action. Could be good.

Big Lies

The world is one of information and ideas. Information that would have made any person wealthy beyond their wildest dreams 200 years ago is now accessible at the touch of a button. And since the beginning of time, information both true and otherwise has gone in one ear and out the other. The gathering of info is fine. The problem is a lot of people don't go beyond the acquisition stage. It is important to develop a good 'baloney detector', as Phillip E. Johnson has rightly called it. Ask a lot of questions and hold fast to what is true.

To show what I mean, I'm sharing with you, gentle reader, a sampling of the Big Lies that I have heard over the years.

Big lie #1: “Scientists/Scholars/Historians agree…”
The truth: Baloney. Articles that claim this are just a sign of laziness by the author who doesn't want to present the complexities of what they are writing about. It was once said that archeology isn't a science, it is a vendetta. The other sciences are no better. Humans bring preconceptions into what ever they are thinking about. This will always taint research of any kind, be it biblical or biological.

Big lie #2: “Back in my day, kids had respect for their elders”.
The truth: Baloney. Cain listened to Adam just as much as the Bush twins listen to George W.

Big lie #3: “If I won the lottery/had a million dollars, it wouldn’t change me”.
The truth: Baloney. While I am tempted to take the cynical look at this, maybe I'll take the opposite view here. Quoting Willy Wonka:

Willy Wonka: But Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.
Charlie Bucket: What happened?
Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after.

Whether you make yourself good or corrupt is up to you. I guess my point is that you will change. We all will.

Big lie #4: “Don’t worry about getting married, it’ll happen when you least expect it.”
The truth: Baloney. I have a goal to get be engaged this year. Whether it happens or not is a tricky thing as it involves the freedom of choice by others as well. But that's neither here nor there. The point is that I have been given this advice since I was 21. And there were numerous times when I wasn't expecting it. And here I am. Meh.

Big lie #5: “The check is in the mail”.
The truth: Baloney. This means that the check is in my wallet and I'll address the envelope once I am done watching What Not To Wearand I have a nap.

Big lie #6: “If I can’t beat that price, I’ll give it to you for free!”
The truth: Baloney. Every so often, a car dealership will come out with some ad campaign where they say they will give you the car for free if they can't beat a competitor’s price. Gee, I wonder which one they will go with? As Uncle Lefty is always saying, If you wish in one hand and spit in the other, which do you think will fill up first?

The Carved Heart

My arrow rests,
kindly joining odd hearts
needing standing ovations.
Notched lines often vanish,
engravings shrink away.
Maybe your kiss is missing
before angelic lovers live.

Happy Limerick Day

In honor of today being Limerick Day (in addition to it being the Laotian holiday of Rocket Day), I thought I'd celebrate it by posting someone else's work. And that is only because they put it better than I ever could.

There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.
-Noam Kuzar

Incidentally, the above limerick is found here. So take a little time and try one of your own. Not as tough as you'd think.

They say that waking up is hard to do. Now I know, I know that it is true.

SO tired today. Which is frustrating, because there is so much going on. Geh. Look for actual updates on all my blogs this weekend. And congratulations to my sister Wendy on her unofficial engagement.

The Yellowcard Blues

Today I hate the band Yellowcard. Nothing against them personally, it is just that I work on a college campus and the band is performing in the courtyard adjacent to my building. They have been warming up all afternoon and I'm just a little sick of the noise.

The Art of Losing

As someone who has a bit of downtime on his home computer while waiting for the Internet to dial up, I have come to the conclusion that anyone can win at computer solitare. The trick is to lose. The following screen-grab shows that I have lost this game. I can't deal until I fill up the top rows, but I need to deal to have enough cards to fill up the top rows.

It was a loss, but at the same time it is a cold, calculating victory.



So if you have some time at work to kill, don't settle for winning. Try losing.

The Blog is Six

Huh. Six months of blogging and what do I have to show for it? Writers block and a lot of wasted space.

A Visionary problem.











See these? These used to be my glasses. But they wore out and I had to get some different ones. My new glasses are fine, but they don't feel like me. I wore the above frames for 6+ years. It is funny how something that is just plastic and some screws can take a life of its own.

Income Attacks!!

With this blog as my witness, I WILL get my stinkin' taxes done tonight.
And maybe I'll get enough back to take a certian someone out to do something special.

When Anthony Preaches

When Anthony preaches, he goes to the beaches
Converting all the fish who can’t make it to church.
They swarm up to listen, adrip and aglisten
The trout and the minnow, the pike and the perch.

“Treat all as your brother; don’t murder each other
For all of God’s creatures are children alike.”
What a marvelous spirit; the minnows all cheer it.
They whisper and glare at the murderous pike.

“The root of all evil, great tool of the devil
Is love of possessions-you’d best do without.”
What a marvelous spirit; the pike love to hear it
And cast a stern eye on the miserly trout.

“Work hard. Those who idle will bear harsh requital,
Who shirks all his labors gets left in the lurch.”
What a marvelous spirit; the trout just revere it,
They nudge one another and mutter “Those perch!”

“Eschew fornications and lawless relations
For sex unrestrained leads to sorrow and tears.”
What a marvelous spirit; the perch love to hear it.
They glance at the minnows with snickers and sneers.

The saint ends his preaching; the fish love such teaching.
They watch as his figure recedes from the shore.
Then greed, lust and slaughter resume in the water
And all is exactly the same as before.

-Michael Nibley

Melts in your @%&#*!!! mouth...

Ugh! It seems like todays Monday has extra Monday in it. It is like 25 pounds of Monday in a 10 pound Monday bag.

Who figured on Action Figures?

I was looking in the Toys R Us for a cool birthday gift for my niece. There, I noticed more than a few action figures of old Rock Stars. Ozzy Oxbourne, Metallica, Kiss, all of these masters of metal have received the plastic treatment. Meaning that there are action figures made of them. Clear? They even had Beatles figures.

But it got me thinking, why limit it to just the gods of rock or the Fab Four? Doesn't David "Diamond Dave" Lee Roth deserve his own figure? What little straight-edge kid wouldn't love a Moby figure to go kick the butt of an Eminem figure? Think of how much fun Loretta Lynn and Kenny Rogers could have in Barbie's Malibu Corvette? Doesn't Lucinda Williams and Beck need to hang out in the backyard? I definitely think this needs to be done. Imagine little Timmy Jacobsen climbing down stairs early Christmas morning and finding St. Nick had just left him west coast rap innovators Blackalicious in his stocking. Who wouldn't love that?

Maybe I just answered my own question.

Still, I think it would be cool to have someone come into my office and ask about the figures on my desk and I could say, "Oh, it's Tommy James and the Shondells". But maybe that's just me.

Animusic


Once in a while, ol' Sluggo (that's me, the six year old part of my personality) finds something so cool that captures my imagination so completely that I just get shut down and smile. And I say "Woah" a lot. Such was the case when I saw a clip of Animusic a break on PBS. It was a purely CG music video of a very funky multi-stringed instrument with built in robotic 'hands' so this machine could play itself. It is the most imaginative and likely cool thing I have seen this year. Check out this clip here.

Just so everybody knows, I'm not wearing any green today. It is my way of sticking it to the man. Soon as they have a national holiday for the fine folks of the fjords of Norway, then I'll party.

If I ever had a candy bar named after me, it would be this.

The Scented Candle

All right, kiddies. Its story time. Get cozy.

Once upon a time (back in January) I was hanging out in the folks house when my mother comes home with some scented candles that she'd picked up at the BBB.
So I made a mental note to myself to check into that, because I like scented candles. Turns out that they smell nice.

So a few days later, I walk into one of the rooms where everyone is hanging out and I see one of them on the table. White. Vanilla. In a small glass container. So I wade through the crowd to the table. And with everybody watching, I grab the candle and put it up to my nose to have a nice sniff.

Only it wasn't a candle. It was my sisters glass of milk. Which went up my nose and all down my shirt. With everybody watching. I laughed so hard I think I shot milk out of my nose. This worked out nicely, because I didn't want the milk there in the first place.


The moral of the story? Maybe it is "Look before you sniff". Or perhaps it is "Now is a good time to check for lactose intolerance". Mostly, I's say it is "Learn to laugh at yourself, or you might be missing the biggest joke around". So many of us think that we, ourselves, are hilarious. Why not enjoy it when you inadvertently prove everyone right?

The Quote List: Part One

I've had a request to post some of the more absurd, silly or downright outrageous quotes that I have collected over the years. Like this blog, I try to capture a balance of inspirational, amusing and randomness with these small snippets. Also note that many of the quotes here are from my friends and family. So if you happened to say something stupid or inspiring, maybe you might see it here.

...

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they are going to catch you in next.
- F. P. Jones

Hey, the word 'fruit' on this box of Kellogg’s Froot Loops one too many 'O's in it.
-Mark Johnson (early 1989)

I have hundreds of iguanas.
-Holly Johnson (9/30/00)

Don't you think it would be cool to see some of your organs before you die.
-Aimee Ohlsen (8/29/00)

Television has brought murder back into the home, where it belongs.
-Alfred Hitchcock

There is nothing wrong with being a genius. Some of the world’s smartest people were geniuses.
-Loralee Jessen (11/8/05)

Are there two Elvises?
-Katie Johnson 8/3/94

Can skunks be de-stink-atized?
-Katie Johnson (8/11/99)

It would be hard to say which is the more miraculous, to make a stone to speak, or to make a philosopher stop speaking.
-Sozomen

I’m excited about my public spleaking class.
-Katie Johnson (2001)

No little girl can be happy unless she has faith in her daddy.
–Marge Simpson

Every man is a moon and each has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
–Samuel Clemens

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.
–Charles A. Beard

Man must understand his universe in order to understand his destiny…Who knows what mysteries will be solved in our lifetime, and what new riddles will become the challenge of future generations?
-Neil A. Armstrong

To go places and to do things that never have been done before, - that’s what living is all about.
–Michael Collins

Don’t get stuck in the stagnant swamp of self-pity.
–Neal A. Maxwell

Happiness is not getting something, rather happiness is being something.
–Marvin J. Asthon

Christmas: It's kind of like a holiday.
-Mark Johnson (12/25/99)

The Curse of the Sudoku

Back in the days when I was cynical Mark, my main philosophy was that "Life is merely the exchange of one bad habit for another". I'm not as inclined to believe it lately, but a new addiction has surfaced. Late last year, I stumbled across Japanese Sudoku number puzzles. And I'm hooked. The object is to place the numbers 1 through 9 in each row, horizontally and vertically as well as in each box. Each row or box may only have one of the same number. I usually get my fix from here.

I'm not Catholic, but I'm loaded with vices all the same. Just like every other human.

So, after good ol' fat Tuesday, I'm giving up some things for the next 40 days. I'll be giving (or at least trying) to give up some of my bitterness and anger. Not that there is a lot, but I've had some things that have been eating at me lately. It is time to let them go. I am tired of letting any anger I feel get in the way of what I want to get done. Besides, I am starting to wonder if I have been isolating any one who needs my help of friendship. So long Captain Me-Planet! Hello Mr. somebody who isn't a total bozo.

Great Moments in TV's Family Guy

"Da Boom"
Original Air Date: 12/26/99
The episode ends with Victoria Principal telling Patrick Duffy that she just had a dream in which she saw a crazy episode of Family Guy.

2/01
This idiotic, puerile show is cancelled.

Present
Whining fans, who wouldn't know a joke if it bit them in the hinder (how would they recognize it, since the show doesn't provide any), create such a stink Fox and Cartoon Network brought it back.

The problem with this show (as well as most TV nowadays) is that the audience just settles for less. So they get it. In the case of the Family Guy, all you get is re-tooled jokes from The Simpsons, some shock-value jokes and random references to things many of the TV shows the thirty-somethings grew up with. The problem with this is (and I paraphrase Scott Renshaw) that these are references. The only laughs seem to come from association to other, more interesting things - and references are no substitute for wit.

Everything I've Got In My Pocket

Ah, the foibles of the human condition. We get 75 or so years on this planet to prepare for the next million+, and what do we usually spend most of our time doing? Trying not to look like some doufus. I'm not even sure how to spell doufus. It really makes me wonder if we spent more time thinking about how to bless the lives of others than worry about ourselves. Occasionally I remember how to do this. But most of the time, well you get it. Two examples:

1. I went out to pick up some binders and other things I needed. Store number one didn't have everything I needed, so I picked up what they had. And a candy bar. All the stuff goes in the car, the candy in my coat pocket. I'm half way through store two's check out when I realize I am carrying a candy bar in my pocket that I don't have a receipt for. So now I am doing all but actually shoplifting, trying not to look suspicious. All the stress without actually committing the crime.

2. I don't know how many hours I have thought about riding the light rail and never having to show my pass. For some reason, they haven't checked. Why? Who cares. Maybe next week, I'll strike up a conversation with somebody instead of just staring off into space. A lot of good that does. I'm gonna have a tough time brightening the lives of those around me if I keep it all to myself.

I am a Loud Speaker!


Well, I've finally done it. After years of being left behind, I thought I'd finally earn all those merit badges that I didn't get when I was an Eagle Scout. So this month, It was Public Speaking. Now, as a 'grown-up' with a big mouth, this was an easy one. Next month, maybe Sailing.

Happy Valentine's Day, kids.

Cow Tools

Back in the 80's, cartoonist Gary Larson penned one of his Far Side comics that promptly put the nation into hysterics. Not that it was hilarious. Because it wasn't. The cartoon, titled "Cow Tools" depicted a bovine overlooking his handiwork at some primitive tools. The problem was the tools didn't really look like tools, and the reader was left in the position that if the purpose of the tools weren't understood, the comics meaning would be lost to the reader. And the reader naturally didn't have a chance.

Forward to 2005. Last December, a Sunday version of the comic BC came out and suddenly it is Cow Tools all over again. Well, except that nobody cares about BC, while the Far Side was about the funniest strip anywhere.

The problem? I live in a paradigm where things need to make sense. If something isn't making sense, I need to stew on it until it does.

So, if anyone could explain this monstrosity, I'd appreciate it.

I've been wrongfully accused!

To jump on the Hollywood cash-cow (or as McDonald’s calls it “Celebrating”), I thought I’d come up with a quick quiz. So...in celebration of the new Harrison Ford vehicle (no pun intended) Firewall, try to figure out which line of dialogue goes with which classic Harrison Ford movie. Remember, it works best if yelled in a gruff mumble.

1. I didn’t kill my wife!
2. Get off of my plane!
3. I'm sorry, Mr. President, I don't dance.
4. Get off of my submarine, comrade!
5. I didn’t kill my wife, yet.
6. I'm crazy about it. They call me Bojangles at the office.
7. Besides, you know what a careful guy I am.
8. Get off of my star ship.

Good Luck!

Mondays just blow chunks sometimes.

Anyway, I've been thinking about my February resolutions, and I have decided to keep them to a mimimum. That way, I can feel like I am getting more accomplished. So...

1. Be in bed by midnight. It's tough to get any sleep if I am up till 3 AM working on some dumb project. It's a start.

2. Don't sweat it that Valentine's Day is fast approaching and I have rather little going on in that dept. Society can just go and sit on it.

3. Have some kind of date by the end of the month. As unenthused as I am about dating, I at least ought to start putting a little effort into it.

That's it. I've got lots of other activities happening, but you don't need to hear about thems quite yet.

A Singularity Problem

The trouble with being a new thirtysomething single guy is that the media now confuses my in ways that I didn’t anticipate. I was watching some other sitcom the other night and was dumbfounded beyond belief. Halfway through the episode, I thought “Wow, the teenage daughter is really hot. But then, so is the mom”. Then the center of my rational universe didn’t hold anymore and I had to lie down for a while.

Well, I'm proud to announce the farewell album of 4Ever. As a member of a hot boy-band, I've toured all over Box Elder county and been invited to TONS of ice cream socials by TONS of girls. But since the 5 of us are in our seventh years of our two year degrees at UVSC, we are retiring and turning the lady-wooing to other hotties. So, with out further adeiu, here are the tracks of our final album, 4Ever At the Pulpit.

1. Leaving Jericho
2. (Those were) The Best Two Years
3. Thomas of Aramathia
4. Shirk Along
5. PG is OK with me
6. The Mantle of McConkie
7. The Ox in the Mire and the Silver Spoon
8. You Say You Want to Be Alone But Not With Me
9. I’m a BYU Football Fan, Not a Player
10. Idaho Mormons
11. People Ate Meat in the Bible
12. It Ain’t Bountiful (Without You)
13. Say No to NCMO
14. The Books of the Pearl of Great Price Song
15. Apostolic Haircut
16. 1st Kings of Love; 2nd Chronicles of Heartache
17. For The Strength of You
18. Praise to the Manual
19. To Manti and Back (Temple Spires in your Eyes)
20. I’d Rather be in Love Than With You
21. *CD Bonus Track* Keeping Love At Arms Length (Kickin the Freak Outta da Multi-Stake Dance Remix)



Note that track 16 is great to dance to. Enjoy!

A Glimpse from the archives

Just a pic of me from 13 years ago.
Man, what happened?!

Rock Swings!

Fellow Gen-X’ers, I have seen the future. I was driving with a few folks I work with to a company party, and we were rocking out. Both the folks I was driving with were in their mid-fifties and had been raised on what we would call Oldies. Those cool classic songs of the 50’s and 60’s. So we were listening to these Oldies, yet they weren’t the original oldies, they were re-makes by the original artists. I guess it was cheaper to drag the Tokens and Freddie “Boom Boom” Cannon into the studio than to clear the rights to the original songs. As we were driving, they commented how much they were enjoying the re-makes. These new versions were a bit lighter than they used to be. Some of them even had a new bit of orchestration. There was a kind of nice, ‘schmaltzy’ feeling about them. That’s when it all came together for me. These nice folks I was driving with had entered into a new era of entertainment, that of the watered down music. This is no doubt the same phase that their parents entered into a generation ago with the Lawrence Welk television program. It is the same phenomenon.

So here is the future, in another 30 years as us Gen-X’ers are entering our 60’s and 70’s, we will be able turn on Carson Daily on the telly and his band of swinging crooners will entertain us with softer, kinder, gentler songs by the White Stripes, Greenday, Snoop Dog, and maybe some Nirvana. The sky is the limit.

If you want a glimpse into the future, check out either Pat Boone’s album In A Metal Mood and especially Paul Anka’s Rock Swing album. Both are great, with covers of alternative and metal classics done in a softer ‘easy to swallow’ style. Enjoy the future. I can’t wait to hear it.


Since the topic of musical covers has come up, I’ll remind myself here to devote a future blog to it.

Hey, just for kicks, I thought I'd start selling t-shirts and stuff online. Introducing BadlyDrawn Design. I've got some cool stuff up and hope to have more there soon. So buy a shirt and help put me through college.

An excerpt from Douglas Adams' The Meaning of Lif

HAMBLEDON (n.)

The sound of a single-engine aircraft flying by, heard whilst lying in a summer field in England, which somehow concentrates the silence and sense of space and timelessness and leaves one with a profound feeling of something or other.

The Penultimate Action Hero

A few years ago, I played the role of the Action Hero. I was coming out of the local Wal-mart (this was before the boycott) when the glint of shining metal caught my eye. I glanced over and noticed an errant shopping cart slowly rolling down the parking lot. Some hundred yards down the lot was a crowded Zuka Juice with a shiny BMW 335i or some type of fancy automobile parked in front. It appeared the cart had picked up momentum and had drawn a bead on its target. I pulled out my keys and ran to my 1992 Daihatsu Charade, parked just a few yards away. I jumped in the drivers-side window, feet first (I had been practicing for a stunt for the upcoming Big Show – more on that later!) and tore out of the parking spot with a squeal of very small tires. I whipped around a small group of cars in the lot and found some open space. It was just a few seconds before I was along side the cart. I grabbed it from the open window and held it as I steered it out of the way. A hard left ensured that the cart (and the equally-sized Daihatsu) didn’t end up plastered on the back of some German sedan. The cart traveled the last 20 or so yards and hit a curb and flipped over. At the impact, the roar of laughter and applause burst from the crowd at Zuka Juice. I did a victory lap and I was on my way home.

There is just something about heroes on TV and in the movies that makes us (I refer to guys here) want to emulate them. And sometimes, often in very small ways, we get to. It is funny how just a bit of play-time gets one through a month or two of 9-5 work and school with a smile on one’s face.

The Essentials of 2005

For some reason, it seems like a good idea to let ya have a sneak peak into what I have been listening to this year. My musical tastes center on some alternative, rockabilly, children/comedy or anything that is just annoying to those who enjoy most pop-alternative stuff or whatever garbage they are playing on the radio. So I enjoy clever or annoying remixes and covers of songs that are popular with the kids. Turn a song on it's head and I'll likely love it. Anyhoo, here is the list of what I have been listening to for most of 2005 and into 2006. So here's the Top 25 in practically no particular order. And you could download some of them on your own.

1. Boulevard of Broken Songs - Party Ben
This song is what we in the biz call a mash-up. A (hopefully) skilled dj will edit a few songs together into one killer remix. With this song, imagine that one song is a deck of cards. The brilliant dj Party Ben took 20 cards from Greenday's Boulevard of Broken Dreams, 16 cards from Oasis's Wonderwall, 10 cards from Travis's Writing to Reach You and another 6 from Aerosmith's Dream On and shuffled them seamlessly.

2. All the Way to Reno - REM
Ah, Reno. This song is my happy affirmation song, kind of what Smashmouth's All-Star was before radio and the movies played it to death.

3. Mad World (SNES version) - cover by some guy named Gxp
For a while I had Gary Jules' cover of Mad World (originaly by Tears for Fears) on my top 25 list, until I found this version. I stumbled across a site that was hosting covers of rock songs that had been made with a program for the SuperNintendo. So here this is. Don't ask.

4. A Higher Place - Tom Petty
Tom Petty is always in the musical hopper, and this tasty nugget from his "Wildflower" album makes me pull out the dreaded air-guitar everytime.

5. Cheer Down - Traveling Wilburys
An unreleased Wilbury's song from a Czech bootleg.

6. Burro - Beck
The best part of this song? It is an alternate version of Beck's song Jackass, only it is done in a mariache style. And in Spanish. How cool is that?

7. Welcome to the Jungle - Big Daddy
Big Daddy claimed to have been captured on a USO tour in Laos in 1959. When they got back, all the music they knew how to play was in the classic style of the 1950's. So naturally, when they covered Guns N' Roses' Welcome to the Jungle, it came out with the style and instrumentation of the Tokens' The Lion Sleeps Tonight. Wimoweh.

8. Original Sin - INXS
Dream on, white boy!

9. Calling All Girls - Queen
Freddy Mercury delivers some great vocals on this song from their "Hot Space" album.

10. Hit That - The Offspring
Not much to say here, but I like the crunch of the guitar in this song. I think these 'pseudo hard rockers' do pretty well.

11. The Superman Song - Slugworks
Ok, this is one that I made myself. While I made the mistake of listening to commercial radio, I noticed one day that there about a billion songs on the radio about that supernatural being that we can call upon for help in dire straits. I refer, of course, to Superman. So, I dug around in the archives, bought a bunch of tunes off of itunes and made a song from parts of 30 different songs. It sounds like a mess, but it turned out to be pretty cool.

12. If You Wanna Be Happy For The Rest Of Your Life - Jimmy Soul
You have got to love the audacity of this song. "Get an ugly woman to marry you". Wow!

13. Tears of a Clown - Smokey Robinson
What can I say except this reminds me of an old girlfriend.

14. Lisa's Wedding - Alf Clausen and Danny Elfman
A beautiful baroque arrangement. If you know what this song is, then no more commentary is needed.

15. Everything I've Got in My Pocket - Minnie Driver
I saw Minnie perform this song on Letterman and it blew my socks off. She is one pretty lady.

16. Love is All Around - The Troggs
A psychadellic love song from the 60's.

17. Be Near Me - ABC
It's funny. This is one of my favorite songs, but the song Smokey Sings by the same band is on my all-time hate list. How does that work? And somehow, this song reminds me of Close Encounters.

18. Try Not To Breathe - REM
While trying to document life's rich pageant, I reveal that I am up for new adventures in hi-fi. At least until I run out of time; when, according to the fables of the reconstruction, a great reckoning occurs when that green monster murmurs from around the sun. But that's beside the point. I like the stoicism in this song. And it is in my vocal range.

19. Theme from the Rockford Files - Mike Post
A great TV theme song from the 70's without any of that pesky disco. The harmonica work on this one is amazing.

20. (Beware of) The Blob - The 5 Blobs (including Burt Bacharach)
This classic from the late 50's is my favorite movie theme. It has everything in there from the late 50's that made rock cool, from the stuttering saxaphone to the 'finger-popping' made famous in the Lollipop song.

21. Mah Na Mah Na - Piero Umiliani
You all know the famous cover. This is the 1969 Swedish original that started it all. This version has a touch of Lounge that isn't picked up in the Muppet version.

22. Europa and Io - Finngerhutt
This spacey (not Kevin Spacey) trance/instrumental was written and performed by my good pal Justin McBride. This is also a great song to slow-dance with the ladies to. I kindsa likes it.

23. The Black Hole - John Barry
A great fully-orchestrated movie theme that is also just unsettling.

24. Binary Sunset - The Evil Genius Orchestra
This stirring theme from Star Wars is given a Lounge flavor. So soothing.

25. From the Earth to the Moon - Michael Kamen
Some years ago, Tom Hanks put together a mini-series about the Apollo space program. The theme song treats the listener with the triumph and grandeur of a flight through the reaches of space.

Bad Pun of the Post:

A friend of mine asked me if I knew the name of that famous Hunchback. I responded, "Does Quasimodo ring a bell?"

An Epistle to the Nerds of the World

Well, after a weekend of playing land-battle games with family, I have come to an almost shocking conclusion. The nerds and geeks I grew up with and sincerely cherish with all of my heart are ignored and under-appreciated by the geeks and nerds of tomorrow. Be mindful, young nerds. Your very existence is made possible by your nerd-predessors. You stand on their very shoulders. You would not be able to wear your Anakin Skywalker t-shirts were it not for those who treasured their Luke Skywalker t-shirts of 20 years ago. Those of you who thrill to Gandalf the Grey on the extended DVDs can only do so because some geeks before you read and re-read The Hobbit even before it was a radio-drama or an animated cartoon. And where would you young nerds be without the invaluable resources of Star Trek fan pages complete with blue-prints and custom-built models of even the most obsucre Romulan shuttle craft. Countless nerds before you have blazed that path so you might benefit.

So young nerds and fellow geeks; your future is bright and your paths are golden. Memorize plenty of dialogue from Napoleon Dynamite and Homestar Runner. Play your WarCraft in your parents basement while eating your Cheetos. Cherish or criticize the Star Wars prequels as you choose. Only take a moment to remember those who lived for marathon showings of Star Trek:TNG; those who could sing every song from Monty Python's Holy Grail, or those who can quote every "Take off, you hoser!" from Strange Brew. Yes, your future is bright. So as you travel along the pathway of geekdom, reading your Harry Potter and listening to mp3's of Ralph Wiggam quotes, be sure to thank those who listened to Dr. Demento on the radio and played D&D while drinking all that Dr. Pepper. You would have likely ended up as some Goth dude if not for those early nerd pioneers.

Quiz Answers:












Rain Berry Gatorade
Icy Surge Speed Stick
Fresh Rush Speed Stick
Riptide Rush Gatorade
Magno Electrico Gatorade
Clean Blast Speed Stick
Cool Fusion Speed Stick
Cool Blue Gatorade
Fierce Melon Gatorade
Aqua Sport Speed Stick
Glacier Freeze Gatorade
Ocean Surf Speed Stick

Well, sports-fans, it's a new year and time for resolutions. But I want to do things a little different this year. At risk of sounding trite, and since one needn't merely need a box on the calender to have an excuse to improve your life, I'm going to add a monthly resolution each month in addition to the few yearly ones in this post.
So, this year I want to:

1. Pray for one person every night. This is an import one for me, because I pray almost all the time, but they don't have the purpose I would like them to have.

2. I've gotten a little chunky this last year, so I want to drop about 20 or so pounds.

3. Don't spend more than 1/2 an hour surfing the net. Things don't change enough to check more than that.

4. Get a bunch of school done. Again.

5. Get published. I have an article out for consideration now. I am going to try to get a back up submitted as well.

6. I'm also starting a novel. Maybe a rough draft or two this year.

7. I want to be in bed by Midnight. Staying up until 3 or so never does me any good. Geh.

8. Start dating again. How are I supposed to have kids unless I can get married? And how can I get married unless I get a date?

9. Get my old web sites back on the Web. The kids miss 'em.